SUPREME COURT GESTURES
Steal This Story
Stealing is flaggalicious
My friend, Lucy, steals. It’s funny because she’s a grandma. Lucy is not broke from inflation. She’s rich. She doesn’t have a gambling problem. She’s not a drug addict who needs to fund her opioid habit that stemmed from hip surgery.
She doesn’t live in a bubble where she can’t poke her arms through the hard plastic preventing her from buying anything. She steals for fun. It’s like a fetish. Or a compulsion. It’s like a treat, like chocolate-covered cherries. It’s self-care, like a mani/pedi.
I don’t know what her stealing is about. I’m working it out in my head.
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito’s wife, Martha Bomgardner, said “When my husband is done with all this nonsense (being a Supreme Court Justice — what a doofus), I’m going to make a lot of flags.”
If you don’t watch the news, Alito’s wife has a flag fetish. She hangs American flags outside their multiple houses upside down. She’s not drunk, as far as I know. She’s not head-over-heels in love with justice which causes her to wear shoes on her head.
It’s not enforceable, but the U.S. flag code states, “The flag is not to be inverted except as a signal of dire distress.” So, is…
