Never Give Money to Charity

The glaring problem with money’s solutions

Image by robots.

Not that I’m about to openly make a point for punching orphans, but that title still comes off as an unhinged nose dive into the Devil’s advocate’s ass crack, so let me explain.

There’s nothing wrong with tricking the socially conscious into monthly donations. Sure this 1-star shit parade of rampant inequality we affectionally call “late-stage capitalism” is gonna take more than telethons and the Ice Bucket Challenge to even out, but it’s a start.

And if I’ve learned anything from Cardi B’s OnlyFans subscribers it’s that you can always find worse ways to spend your money anyway.

But the problem with charity is not the sentiment

There’s therapeutic value in taking your mind off tangled earbuds and other 1st World problems, innit? Once in a while, think about the fact that as the top 17% of the global population (that’s you) overeat themselves to the discovery of type 3 diabetes, a child roaming Ethiopia on tire rubber sandals is not gonna meet his daily nutritional intake unless he finds a way to photosynthesize.

The problem is this naive conviction we have that charities can harass a bit for a signature, then perform some type of voodooist, Gandhi-esque witchcraft on…