The Post-Its Wardrobe
Or the quick-fix to a life-long relationship
When I was little, my dad used to get up really early to work. At times he would come back home pissed for reasons that were not up to me, but part of his daily life, his job.
I used to leave post-its with positive messages at his wardrobe door so he could read those in the morning, when he woke up. That was my way to make him know that I loved and cared about him, he were deeply important to me and I wanted to see him happy, so I’d wish him a good day through those messages.
As I grew up, I stopped it. I don’t know, it’s silly, we grow up and go through a phase in which we get distance from our parents. We stop showing that much we care about them. I felt more open to show it to my mom, but to my dad, I was much quieter.
I visited him at work around 15 to 16, and for the first time I noticed he kept each one of my post-its there, glued to his white board, right in front of his desk. He also had family pictures all around.
He knew I loved him, and he cared. He loved me back.
That warmed my heart.
I always wanted to be closer to him, I never found a way.
I never understood him well enough to be as close as I wanted to be.
Once again: He knew I loved him, and he cared. He loved me back.
And I spent a life asking myself if that was enough for two people who loved themselves so much.
So, quick fix: Post-its!
Efficient? Yes. Enough? I don’t know.
Really, I never knew — until now.
I lost my dad this morning.
I lost him to covid-19, after 44 days on the ICU, at 51 years old.
I needed a few documents today, so I had to open his wardrobe this noon.
I fell on the floor as I opened the door.
He left his closet door, top to bottom, full of post-its.
When he got sick he started leaving passwords, important information, folders — but other than that, he left us messages.
I spent minutes on the ground crying and smiling.
He wanted me to know despite everything he loved me, he knew I deeply loved him too, and he cared.
He really cared.
But he was afraid.
So instead of telling me, he used our quick fix: Post-its.
