“Why Do You Hide?”
The most valuable thing we carry with us isn’t in our skin, but underneath it
Getting out of the shower this afternoon I came across the mirror. I’ve been ignoring it for quite some time, but today was a day when I really stopped to look at myself.
While I was looking, I remembered a conversation I had some time ago with a friend during a camp. We were about to head up to the cafeteria to meet some other friends, and changing clothes in front of the other girls is quite a normal thing for us, since we all know each other for long years, and we’re all ok with it.
“Why do you hide yourself?”, my friend asked.
“Hide?”, I asked putting my shirt on.
“Yeah, there’s a cute body there, but you insist on hiding it with baggy clothes”, she said. “Why do you do it?”
I unhooked my eyes from the mirror and turned to her.
She seemed serious standing there.
“I’m not… hiding”, I said. “I mean… The most valuable thing I have isn’t in my skin, is underneath it.”
She frowned her forehead for a couple seconds, and then started to laugh.
“Ok Shakespeare, so hurry up, we’ll be late.”
Even wanting to, I didn’t say anything after. I just put the first jeans I found, my black converse and hurried across the hill as the sun went down.
But back here at almost 22, seeing myself undressed in front of the mirror again, but this time actually looking at me, I think…
Maybe I really hide my skin. And I do it most of the time.
But I don’t see a problem on it, it’s a decision. A decision I like.
One of the worst things that can happen is to undress yourself in front of someone and realize that the person you chose still don’t get it.
They can see your skin, but still, they can’t see you.
Their eyes meet yours, but don’t reach your soul.
Their touch feels good but, what do they mean?
Because their eyes land on a skin, but are unable to see through it.
You open your heart to someone but they can’t seem to realize it. It becomes shallow and cold.
And… it wasn’t supposed to be cold.
So maybe the day I realize there’s a boy standing in front of me looking at me as I am, maybe on that day I’ll stop hiding.
Maybe on that day I will stop wanting to protect something that at first seems pointless to protect. Because it isn’t about my skin, nor my curves, nor how I look.
The most valuable thing we carry with us isn’t in our skin, but underneath it.
