To the Boys Who Are ‘Maybe’ Gay
Don’t believe the bullshit
The city lights shimmer in the distance. I kick my heels against the concrete wall below us and lean back, breathing the cool night air. “What about you?” I ask.
Silence stretches out. “No,” he says, then hesitates. “Maybe.”
It’s okay to be both.
Maybe you feel straight when you’re on the street with all your friends but you feel a little more gay when it’s just you and him. Maybe it depends on the day. Maybe it depends on the outfit. That’s okay. You don’t have to fit into just the boxes that are pop culture enough to make it onto television. Sexuality isn’t black and white. There’s grey. And if you love the grey, love the grey.
It’s okay to be neither.
You’ve probably got magazines and music videos and bro culture perpetuating the stereotype that real boys care about sex. That’s a stereotype, not a reality. You are good enough and real enough and sex isn’t part of that. Attraction doesn’t have to be sexual. That’s okay.
It’s okay to be uncertain.
Maybe you’re questioning. Maybe you’re confused. That’s okay. Every single adolescent is figuring themselves out, that’s what adolescence is. You’re still discovering who you are and what you care about and what that all means. Take your time.
It’s okay to change your mind.
Maybe you’ve known since preschool that you were crushing on the boys, and maybe all of a sudden there’s a girl with guy kicks and dark sunglasses who caught your eye. That’s okay. Be yourself. If you need to come in or out of the closet, tell the ones who matter to you. If they really matter, they’ll keep up.
But do not let homophobic bullshit get to you.
That’s not okay. That’s bullshit. That’s all it is. You know what I’m talking about. Heterosexism. Gay slurs. Hyper masculinity. The shit you hear at school, or from your parents, or from your friends. Maybe it’s intimidating, or tiring. Maybe it’s hard to stand against. Stand anyway. Even if it’s just inside yourself, stand. Use the word maybe as protection if you need it—but know that it is not who you are. You are not maybe a fag. There is not maybe something wrong with you. You are not maybe worthless. You are beautiful and good and worth loving.
Today is #NationalComingOutDay. To the boys who are ‘maybe’ gay, you’re okay. Be yourself. Love yourself. Don’t believe the bullshit.
