19 Ways Men Can Be (and Do) Better in 2019
Talk less…
In meetings. On panels. At conferences. At Q&A’s. On Twitter. In comments. About other people’s experiences.
…unless it’s to other men
Equality isn’t one-sided, and violence and discrimination against women isn’t just a women’s issue. When your friends objectify women or make sexist remarks, respond. When you witness catcalling, do something. When you see online hate and harassment, name it. Show others that you’re going to be holding them to a higher standard from now on.
Read more (by marginalized voices)
Read books that engage with gender, identity, race, violence, queerness, and the intersections of these and other pressing issues of our time. Read books that ask you hard questions about yourself. Read books that introduce and embrace new pathways for us as individuals and as a collective. (And you can start with our list!)
Take up less space physically, too
“Manspreading” has become a kind of buzzword joke and rarely gets ascribed any real meaning. But the trend is actually indicative of a larger cultural problem. From a young age, the rhetoric of “boys will be boys” teaches boys to take up space, while simultaneously teaching girls to shrink.
Respect bodily consent in all situations
Even “friendly” touches are non-consensual.
No more performative allyship
Putting “feminist” in your Twitter bio isn’t the grand declaration you may think it is. If you’re not backing it up with action and analysis, it’s just a hashtag. And words, even those on social media, have impact. So…
Reevaluate your language
Your words have meaning. Don’t pull a Kevin Hart (or a President Donald Trump, for that matter). While your language and learnings may have evolved, you have an opportunity to evaluate your day to day behavior and make strides to change. By allowing language to go unchecked (including our own) we allow inequality to root itself even further into our everyday lives.
Believe survivors
No matter what.
Don’t rely on others to teach you — teach yourself
Activist burnout is real. Don’t expect your friends to work full-time jobs, care for family members, have social lives, and use what little is left of their emotional labor to educate you. Unless you’re prepared to pay someone for their time, it’s up to you to use the vast world of the Internet for your own edification.
Get intersectional
Start with Kimberlé Crenshaw, who coined the term: “Because of their intersectional identity as both women and people of color within discourses that are shaped to respond to one or the other, the interests and experiences of women of color are frequently marginalized within both.” Then remember that #WhiteFeminism is no path forward.
Learn about feminist issues outside of the United States
Did you know that…
The #MeToo movement is finally beginning to pick up steam in India?
Trans people in Chile can now change their gender on official documents?
Thousands of women in Israel recently rallied in protest of violence against women?
Fight for reproductive justice
It’s no secret that reproductive rights will be at risk after the appointment of Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. And while the choice of whether or not to seek an abortion should always be up to the one receiving it, a Promundo study showed that up to 90% of women involved a male partner in the decision. We need to do better at teaching boys about contraception, abortion, and women’s health issues.
Help out at home
A recent study showed that while gender norms may be changing in the workplace or in public spaces (like women in STEM or politics, for example), they still have a stronghold over home life. Have conversations with your partners, roommates, and family members about expectations in the home — and then stick to it.
Advocate for your coworkers — especially regarding salary
White women earn about 77 cents on the dollar compared to white men. And Black women (at 61 cents), Native women (at 58 cents) and Hispanic or Latinx women (at 53 cents) have it even worse. By speaking openly about your own salary, you can help advocate for those most affected by the wage gap.
Respect women-only/closed spaces
Earlier this year, The Wing (a women-only coworking space with multiple locations across the country) was investigated by the New York City Commission on Human Rights for sex discrimination. While the legality of such spaces is still debatable, the intrinsic value is not. Traditional coworking spaces are usually populated by those working in tech, which is made up of about 80% men. Respect that not all spaces are for you.
Make your spaces more inclusive of trans men and nonbinary folks
How many times have you seen events that are advertised towards women, femmes, and trans and non-binary folks? Ideally, masc, trans, and non-binary individuals would be just as welcome at male-oriented events — but it’s rare that this comes to fruition. It’s up to you to create safe spaces and prove, with consistency, that they are always safe for the marginalized.
Don’t expect praise — or perfection
Put an end to harmful behaviors. Advocate when policies and legislation negatively impact women. Learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. Dismantling the patriarchy (or the ego) are actions that men should commit to because it’s the right thing to do. Patriarchy harms men, too. So hold the applause…because we should be doing what is just anyway.
Use your talents for good
No matter where you live or work, no matter what your interests are, no matter how much you may still have to learn about feminism, you can use what you have to make a change. Breakthrough has worked with fraternity members, football players, race car drivers, actors, musicians, and comedians who all used their positions to make a difference.
Learn to laugh at yourself
On January 30th, Breakthrough will host the fourth in our series of comedy shows, Dudes Against Violence Against Women, at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City. Our lineup has comedians Travon Free, Pete Dominick, Larry Owens, Rob Paravonian, emcee Kerry Coddett, and more to be announced. Let’s face it — gender norms are absurd, impossible to uphold, and make no logical sense. Laughter and comedy are powerful tools against the status quo. And these dudes are using their talents to show that anyone, especially men, can stand up against gender-based violence and for gender equality.
