How do we pass along peace to our enemies?
Moving beyond the pain of people who have really hurt us is so hard.
It took me a long time to reach a neutral place with my ex-husband and an ex-friend of mine, who had an affair and got married this past summer. Even typing out this sentence makes me wonder if the whole thing still affects me. I don’t know …
Like many of you, I watched with pain and also awe this week as Brandt Jean forgave Amber Guyger, the off-duty white police officer who shot and killed his innocent Black brother, Botham Jean. I couldn’t believe he had the courage to say what he said to her, let alone embrace her. I’ve been thinking about the strength he seems to have found in Christianity, as well as the power of forgiveness that releases us from some of the pain we experience.
Today, I went to my Saturday yoga class, which is the closest thing to what I would call my religion. I always open my heart to anything my instructor says because she heals us a little more, with every class. She invited us to think about the art of listening, especially listening to ourselves.
I am dealing with someone right now who feels like an enemy, and it’s been hard to know how to react to her endless efforts to tear me down, make me feel smaller that I am.
I recognize her insecurity she feels about the project we’re working on together but I’m angered by her lack of leadership and professionalism in dealing with me and other people who cause her to question her capabilities. There are a few times recently when she’s been so mean to me I’ve gone home and cried.
As I breathed and moved through my poses in my yoga class, I thought about the art of listening and my situation in dealing with her, how bad it makes me feel. I reflected on how it made me start to question my experience and overall confidence in approaching my work.
I realized I wasn’t listening to my own strength.
I think when we are finally able to to claim our own strength, remind ourselves how strong we really are, we have the power to look at our enemies and clearly see the pain they’re in. Once we’re able to do that, I think it’s entirely possible to approach our conflicts with empathy and grace.
Today as my yoga class was ending, I tried to send a silent message of peace and forgiveness to this woman who has been so horrible to me. I quieted the fear and anger in my heart and made it objective observation. I dedicated my practice to her in an act of trying to release the tension and miscommunication that has been brewing between us. And I felt better …
This weekend, I hope all of you find a moment to reflect on the people in your lives who may feel like enemies. I hope you listen to how strong you are, and you use that strength to let them go.
Perhaps you can’t forgive them yet. Perhaps you will never be able to forgive them. But you can release them, keep them at a distance, and remember that you are stronger than you realize, that you can always return to and listen to that strength when they try to hurt you.
Namaste and wishing you your hearts’ truest happiness,
