Strength in Numbers: Meet Tinesi Minikon
So today I’m kicking off a new monthly feature on Bride In Reverse: interviewing different people who have gone through a divorce so their insights can enrich my own. I’m honored to begin with Tinesi Minikon.
Tinesi and I first met at work, where for months I admired her from afar; she always looks incredibly put together, but more importantly, she radiates a strong sense of self. She manages to be riveting and soft-spoken at the same time; she also has so much confidence while also being very approachable and empathetic. This was never more true than the first time I really had a one-on-one conversation with her and learned that she, too, was ending her marriage. Knowing she was holding it together during a difficult time with such grace and poise gave me hope. After we made this discovery about our personal lives, we began checking in with each other every so often, to share experiences and cheer each other on.
I saw how Tinesi was growing, creating a new life for herself one celebratory milestone at at time as her divorce ended. The whole process was just as inspiring and beautiful as Tinesi herself. Today, allow me to share her strength with you:
How long have you been divorced?
November 25, 2016 made it one year.
What advice would you give someone who is just getting back on her feet about how to feel good and stay strong while dealing with divorce?
My advice would be to pray and not blame yourself or feel like a failure. Focus on the positive and move forward.
What would you say is the biggest challenge you’ve faced while dealing with your divorce?
The biggest challenge has been being strong for my children and showing them that their father and I can still love them without being together and in the same household.
What have been your greatest sources of strength while becoming a single woman again?
My greatest sources of strength have been first and foremost my faith and relationship with God and my family and friends have really been a huge support system.
As a mom of two kids, you do a wonderful job of making time to be with your friends, do fun things, take care of yourself, dress in ways that show your sense of style. What would you suggest to other women out there who want to be great moms and make time to take care of themselves?
Be true to yourself, if you have to schedule time to spend with friends or just a break to get a manicure/pedicure; it’s so necessary for your own sanity. Self-care and time away is crucial to being a better mother to your children. The happier you are, the happier your children are.
Was there a moment over the past year while being single again when you realized everything would be okay? What was it?
I wouldn’t say there was one specific moment, it was just the fact that I was surviving and doing better mentally, physically and financially than when I was married, I knew things would be ok and that my children would be just fine.
What dating advice do you have for newly divorced women just getting back out there? Particularly if they are busy moms, like you?
My one advice would be to really focus on yourself first, make sure you’re whole on your own before starting to date again. Dating as a busy mom is harder and time is a big factor. There are many options these days, online dating is one but I would rather meet someone organically. It’ll all happen with the right person at the right time, I’m putting my complete trust in God this time around…
I think helping others is a part of the healing process and you’ve done some interesting projects. Can you share an experience you’ve done through volunteer work that has helped you get back on your feet?
Most recently, I traveled back to my country, Monrovia, Liberia, to volunteer at a summer camp for children. It was one of the best experiences of my life…stepping outside of myself to help others in need is a great and fulfilling feeling.
Can you tell me how your strong Liberian roots have helped you through your divorce?
Liberia is a place that has gone through so much turmoil over the years and yet the people are still smiling and making the best of life. I choose to live that way. No matter what has transpired in my life, I choose to walk with my head up high, continue to smile through it all and show my children that God never gives us more than we can handle; there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
You’ve done some interesting and fun things to celebrate being on your own again: taking trips, throwing yourself a really amazing 40th birthday party. Why did you decide to celebrate your life in these ways? What inspired you and why is it important to do this?
I chose to celebrate my life by taking trips and having a fabulous 40th party because for the past few years, I felt like I was in a cage…that’s not the way anyone should live. Life is too short not to celebrate and make the best of today and everyday.
When you look back at the time that has passed since you left your ex-husband, what are you most proud of?
I’m most proud of the courage and strength it took in order for me to do what’s best for my life and happiness.
Thanks for reading about my friend and fellow Bride In Reverse Tinesi! Do you know someone who might be a good person to feature on my blog? Let me know! Also, if you enjoyed reading this, thanks so much for recommending it so others can enjoy it, too!
