On the Myth of Self-Sufficiency

Why does it feel shameful to admit we want romantic companionship?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the narrative of independence as it relates to the experience of being a single woman.

Specifically, the idea that it’s not a good look to want romantic companionship when you don’t have it.

Like when you’re super duper single. Like I am. Which is fun!

When you’re super duper single, you’re not supposed to look for a partner. It’s supposed to just sort of happen. Even when I’ve found an albeit ephemeral connection on a dating app, the sentiment expressed to me in wee hours is more I didn’t see you coming and less I’ve been looking for you.

I’ve learned that the hard way — I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that it’s not productive to Type-A the hell out of my personal life.

Trying to achieve a predetermined outcome of partnership makes me (everyone?) myopic. That’s how I got three years into a relationship and realized there was no soul, just an empty shell of a logical love.

Okay. So I can’t make a Gantt chart for dating. Fine. Romance is supposed to be serendipitous. I can be on board with that.