Jersey Boys and a Lesson Learned in Theater Etiquette

One of my clients is a producer of theatrical shows. I was extremely appreciative when they gifted me tickets to see Jersey Boys at the Fox Theater. Although I have been to the theater for plays and musicals in the past I knew that we’d be sitting in the section reserved for the media and I’d never want to do anything to embarrass my client so I took an extra moment to consult Professor Google to be sure that I was aware of proper theater etiquette. Professor Google lead me to The Etiquette School of New York which sounded like a pretty credible source.

The list they provided was pretty common sense — Dress for the occasion, be on-time, turn off your phone, do not fall asleep, do not sing along (this one I already knew would be a struggle, but I told Mr. Starr to nudge me if I unknowingly started violating this rule). The article also listed “Go to the restroom before you sit down, or at the intermission, not during the performance. It will not only be disruptive to persons seated in your row and the rows around you, but also to the actors on the stage.”

And that’s when panic set in… It’s probably TMI (and if it is, abandon this post now, it’s all downhill from here) but you need to understand in order to UNDERSTAND. I have a baby bladder, I haven’t been diagnosed by a real doctor but I think that my many seasons of watching Grey’s Anatomy, House, The Good Doctor, Private Practice and way back in the day ER, have educated me enough to know. But I digress. Having only one opportunity after the show starts to visit the ladies room was potentially problematic, so I came up with a plan…

I had had a long day, which meant a Spark® was required for energy so that I didn’t violate the “do not fall asleep” rule. I know that within 90-minutes of drinking Spark I’d need to visit the ladies room. My husband and I generally will have a drink with dinner and since we ended up skipping dinner as to not violate the “be on-time” rule we decided to have a drink at the theater. Alcoholic beverages require two trips to the ladies room.

So my plan was to have the drink before the show started, go to the ladies room and then drink my Spark at the beginning of the show. In my mind the timing would align perfectly with intermission. #CrisisAverted

However, the producers of the show somehow failed to sync their production timeline with my bladders clock and 90 minutes in we still had three songs before intermission. I tried to convince myself that I could hold it (mind over bladder right?), I tried to think about something else, I even started to sing along to distract myself (and then I remembered the no singing rule).

Although it felt like an hour had passed I realized we still had two songs left before intermission. And even though “do not wet your seat” wasn’t on the list of rules I was making an assumption that they just forgot to put it on there and that it was not encouraged.

We were in row R, the view from our seats was amazing but it was also a LONG way out of the theater and down two flights of narrow stairs (while wearing heels) to get to the bathroom. But I was at the point of no return. Thankfully we were on the end of the row, I tried to exit as inconspicuously as possible. But #CrisisNOTAverted.

I waited at the back of the theater until intermission before returning to my seat. But when my husband ended up having to exit at the wrong time during the second half the lady behind me decided to violate the “no talking rule” and the “Do not be a prissy Miss Manners” rules by expressing her displeasure with our bladders.

Jersey Boys isn’t a show that I would have chosen, but I’m so glad we went. I absolutely loved it and learned a little bit about Frankie Valentino that I didn’t already know. My bladder plan for the next show… dehydration, or maybe adult diapers who knows but I’m definitely falling in love with the theatre.

Oh yeah! And I found on of the #TinyDoorsATL it’s a little mini Fox Theater.