Intimate partner violence: it’s a people problem
Men can become victims, too
When Joe E. comes home at night after a long day of work, he is lovingly welcomed by his two daughters. He also returns to a house that is scattered with trash, dirty dishes, kids toys, and a wife who impatiently waits for him. However, the reasons for her impatience make coming home a dreadful experience for him. Joe E., who asked to stay anonymous, said that every day, she expects him to clean up the house and put their two girls to bed as a way of repayment for watching the kids during the day, a chore she seems to resent. This is only one incident of many that has left Joe E. distraught.
Living with his demanding wife has taken a toll on him. “It’s exhausting to feel like I don’t matter,” Joe E. said. He said he tried speaking to her less, as she not only controls his actions at home, she also controls their conversations. “She makes a point to ask if I love someone else because I don’t talk to her,” he said. “I don’t talk to her because I’m not allowed to talk to her about anything other than her or the kids.”
What Joe E. is experiencing is called emotional abuse, which is a common type of intimate partner violence (IPV). It is defined as “non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolating or stalking,” according to Loveisrespect.org, a project funded by the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Unlike the conception that abuse is an issue that affects mostly women, recent studies say that over 40 percent of abuse victims are men. This was confirmed by a study on the role of gender and age in emotionally abusive relationships by Günnur Karakurt, Ph.D., of Case Western Reserve University. The result of this study shows that both younger and older men fall victims to IPV. “Young males reported experiencing higher levels of emotional abuse, which declined with age,” Karakurt states in her study. However, older males still experienced more emotional abuse than older females.
In their research project on the prevalence of partner abuse, Michelle Carney, Ph.D. of Arizona State University, and doctor John R. Barner of Troy University highlight this fact with conspicuous data.
Their findings stated that an average of 80 percent of the victims they examined, both male and female, reported experiencing emotional abuse. Within that number, 40 percent of women stated experiencing expressive aggression, which was also reported by 32 percent of men. A similar result was found on coercive control, which was reported by 41 percent of women and 43 percent of men.
The review was ended with a test of the occurrence of psychological aggression, which was reported by 48.4 percent of women and 48.8 percent of men. These high numbers led to the conclusion of emotional abuse actually being the most common form of intimate partner violence, as well as the type of abuse affecting both genders almost equally.
Ben H. Hoff, J.D. who explored the likelihood of male victims from physical violence and psychological abuse, said, ”we need to recognize that intimate partner violence is a people problem, not a women’s problem.”
There are many offers for support programs, website, and organization for female victims. However, there are “only a handful of websites for male victims,” Hoff said. “Perhaps males, but not females, have got the message that domestic violence is wrong,” Hoff said in his article on the “Stop Abusive and Violent Environments” website.
Although there is a lack of studies on emotional abuse, according to Karakurt, these few statistics do indicate that the idea of women being the main victim of abuse is inaccurate.
Joe E. is suffering from a daily dose of abuse in his own home, and said he has no emotional support. “My self-confidence is gone, and I feel like I’m here just to make her feel happy, or to give her a punching bag depending on her mood,” he said. “I know I need to leave for my sanity, but I feel completely stuck and so emotionally and mentally drained that all I do is try to make it to the next day.”
On a normal day, nationwide domestic violence hotlines receive over 20 thousand calls, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). However, only 34 percent of those injured by violence, including physical abuse, ever receive medical care. Men are even less likely to receive help, Hoff said.
Even though there still isn’t much research on emotional abuse, especially on its effects on all genders, one thing is clear: these few examples show that men can become victims just like women can.
