Beginning Again

From a young age I’ve always been obsessed with love. I blame this on watching a lot of Disney films. I dreamed of meeting Prince Charming, falling in love and living happily ever after. But real life doesn’t happen like that. Real life is messy and complicated. People aren’t split into good and bad. You can’t tell from how a person looks if they’re the hero or the villain. The person who saves you might also be the person who destroys you.

A couple of years ago I went through a break up. It hit me harder than I thought it would and I buried those emotions, only releasing them with the company of alcohol when I didn’t care anymore. I couldn’t think about dating anyone else for a long time. There were guys here and there, but nothing felt right. It was like my heart had just stopped.

And then I met you.

You could tell on the first date that I was nervous. You thought it was typical first date nerves, but it was more than that. It was an important step for me. When we started walking and you took my hand, I realised that this was different. This wasn’t like the other dates I’d been on, where the guys were nice enough and it was fine. There was something genuine about you. I loved the way you teased me straight away; making everything lighthearted and easing me into the situation. There was no question about a second date: I had to see you again.

You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. Your confidence brings me out of my shell. You listen and make sense of my messy and unravelling thoughts. You make me feel truly wanted by the way your gaze intensifies as it travels over my skin, but you also make me feel safe when your eyes meet mine and your expression softens.

I wanted to thank you. Not just for things you’ve paid for and the places you’ve taken me, but for everything else. I’m falling in love when I never thought I’d be able to again, and it’s terrifying yet exhilarating: all the things it should be. I know that I’ll never be able to properly show my appreciation, and god knows I’ll never be good enough for you, but I want you to know how I feel. As a writer, what better way is there than to try and note it down?

Thank you for restarting my heart and letting me begin again.