Hurricane

“In the eye of a hurricane there is quiet for just a moment” — Lin-Manuel Miranda

There seems to be constant noise around me.

There are a million problems with no solutions. Every time I think I’m closer to fixing something, it shatters into pieces and I have to start all over again. But they’re not just my pieces. They’re the pieces of everyone around me and how can I even begin to remember their original puzzle?

I knew this was going to happen eventually. I’d been watching this hurricane from a distance, waiting for the impact. It hits and a tornado of thoughts tear around my mind. I’m drowning in questions and stress and fear and panic.
And then it stops.

I’m watching the hurricane from inside. It whirls around me. It’s quiet. For the first time in so long I am able to think. To stop. To breathe.

I focus on him. The fixed point in all the chaos. With his arms wrapped around me I am safe. Safe in our own protective bubble. A kiss on the forehead and I am calm again. His strength absorbs into mine and even as he leaves, and I am alone in the eye of the hurricane, I am still. My mind is clear. For the first time in too long I am able to pick up a pen, no longer scared of the blank page.

“And when my prayers to God were met with indifference
I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance”

Words have always been comforting to me. I could pick up a book and escape into another world, and when they weren’t good enough I could pick up a pen and create my own.

That’s what I’m going to do now. In a time where nothing I do is good enough, or fixes anything, I’ll rely on my words. I’ll write it down, just to get it out of my head and set my mind free.

“I’ll write my way out. Write everything down, far as I can see. I’ll write my way out”. — Lin-Manuel Miranda