Chapter 20: Whatever Works
Something New Can Lighten Up the Darkest of Times
If and when your loved one does open up to you about what they went through, it can be an overwhelming experience and it really is tough to know what to do after. As I’ve said, letting them know you’re there for them and that you’ll get through it together are really supportive things to say. Let them know they can talk to you like that anytime, but it doesn’t mean they have to right now. And if you feel comfortable, and they are welcome to it, gentle physical contact can be welcome as a reminder that touch can come out of love not hate. A hand on the back or the leg, maybe an arm around them, you can feel it out, but don’t think that you can never touch them again. You are one of the only people they may be able to be touched by right now, and hopefully as they get used to it, that will change. Physical contact is so much more important for people’s well-being than many realize, and to fight that feeling of isolation they have right now, that simple gesture can do wonders.
But after all this — your loved one has poured their heart out, you have promised to help them through it, there may be a hug, and most definitely will be tears — now what? Talking about things the victim may never have said out loud before can be exhausting, but is such a release their spirits may be up for a bit. Take advantage of their mood and the closeness you feel. First and foremost, crying is a contact sport, so feed them after and keep them hydrated. This is probably the most normal they will feel for a bit, so it’s a great chance to keep up their strength, which will help their spirits. It’s also a great time to suggest something to do, just to distract them for a while, whether it’s watching a movie or going out for some fresh air, a suggestion is always nice, whether they take it or not.
You don’t have control over how your loved one will heal or how long it will take, and that is one of the most difficult parts about supporting them. So, you have to consider what you do have control over. What can you do for them in the present that will help them as they move toward their future? Activities are a great distraction, but they don’t last forever and aren’t always welcome. Bringing something new into their world can be surprisingly helpful. Something new is clean and has a sense of pureness that can be exciting, subconsciously representing hope for a fresh start. Something that has nothing to do with their past, only their future. What have they always wanted to do, to have? Where have they always wanted to go? For me, it was a puppy. Pure and innocent and full of love. But it could be travel, maybe abroad? Or the latest gadget, that can transport them to anywhere and allow them to communicate with anyone. Maybe they’ve always wanted to paint, so pick them up some oil paints and canvas. Maybe it’s just the perfect teddy bear, always ready for hugs. Whatever it is, being able to channel their energy into something purely positive will lift their spirits, have them looking forward instead of back, and bring back their smile, even just for a moment.
