2020 in Focus: Leaving Narcissistic Programming Behind
Part 1–Discovering Truths from the Trauma
Everyone’s declaring their best and worst times from the past ten years. The year 2020 is upon us, and it’s in the collective that new habits and patterns are due for the next decade. What does that mean for you as it pertains to the abuse you experienced from a narcissist?
For me, it’s primarily familial. It means I have to cut cords from my father, an altruist narcissist. And it means I have to keep sound boundaries between my mother and me. My parents have been in a dysfunctional marriage that is the ideal depiction of Ross Rosenberg’s “the codependent/narcissist dance.” At this point in their lives, more is behind them than is in front of them. Their relationship will never change.
But I can. I can change. You can change. You can decide that your power and purpose is first and foremost. You can break trauma bonds and end the cycle of abuse. Narcissistic abuse is made from deceit. We have been deceived. You didn’t overreact when your personal boundaries were violated, you were right to shine and be proud of yourself for your accomplishments, and you didn’t deserve to get the silent treatment when you voiced concern for how you were being treated. So in the spirit of drawing truth from the deceit, we can build bridges to recover from narcissistic abuse.
The weight of feeling responsible for their disordered personalities must be released and the blame for all of the drama will be handed back over to the rightful owner — the abuser. But, just where do we go from there? What do we create? Deciding to separate from an abusive family, friend, or lover is much like walking into no man’s land. Here are three truths you can discover that will shine light on your journey of narcissistic abuse recovery.
- There is no inherent flaw in your authentic self.
No one is perfect. But everyone is perfectly unique. An abuser will devalue you in the moments you are standing in your truth, putting down all aspects of you that are differentiating. It’s solely to maintain control over you. To make you believe your identity is tied to theirs.
Here’s the truth: you are not flawed in any way for being who you are. You love books? Read. You love being silly? Laugh. You prefer a relaxed vibe? Chill. There is no flaw here. It’s perfectly you, just how the divine Source made you.
2. There is a wealth of possibilities outside of the narcissist.
Whether you were raised by a narcissist or were in a relationship with one, you probably experienced a form of isolation. Because the narc needs supply, they employ tactics of delusion to make you believe they are the best thing since white bread. And only they can make you happy, support you, and love you. As a result, you become fully invested or loyal to that abuser, sometimes turning your back to other people and events that would benefit you. Furthermore, you trusted this abuser 100% when they deserved no trust at all.
Here’s the truth: there are endless opportunities you can receive. Re-coding your mind to trust your intuition will open pathways for you to receive blessings that are in alignment with you. No, the abuser is not your only source of livelihood. You can build the life you desire completely without them.
3. People really like you.
Narcissistic abuse trains our inner dialogue to be very negative and shameful. It’s what the abuser wants so we can fall seamlessly into their love-bombing phases. If we are in a state of almost constant negative self-talk, what does that mean regarding other people like friends, colleagues, love interests, etc? It means we believe we are not worthy of their fondness and support, and in fact, many victims of narcissistic abuse run from healthy, caring people. Instead, they run to the people who are disloyal, dishonest, and uncaring. They meet frenemies — friends who are enemies.
Here’s the truth: you are very appealing. People are drawn to you because they enjoy your company, they like your style, and they genuinely like you. And guess what? You don’t have to give them anything to keep their interest. Your unique self is enough.
Discovering my truths has been one of the most transformative experiences during my healing from narcissistic abuse. Although my journey continues, today I feel so free!
This is exactly why I am introducing my 8-week program, Leaving Narcissistic Programming Behind. It’s a program in which we will work together to build your self-trust and reinvent yourself. This is ideal for brave souls who are in the beginning stage of their recovery.
WHAT WE WILL DO…
- Teach you to effortlessly lean back into your true self.
- Allow you to fully access the innate power that resides in you.
- Activate your unique destiny blueprint and soul signature.
- Reprogram your internal systems/mindset to be coded to thrive/exceptional life
- Dissolve the illusions of lack and fear to align and assimilate to an abundant life
- How to be at ease with who you are and articulate your truth in every situation (especially those hard ones)
- Learn to take risks and feel safe while doing it
I am so ready for you to stand in your truth and to release the programming of the past. I am here to support you.
Let’s get on a call. Just place “8-week program” in the notes.
It’s time to find joy and ease. You are so worth it!
Karin M. Yearwood
Creative Life Strategist, Writer, and Educator
