The “broken girl” healing….vol1

I’m about share my feelings about „being on the market“ after 10 years again. A lot of rattle from an insomniac

It has been over 6 months now that I separated from my husband, 4 months since legal divorce. I gave up on trying to comfort him over the break up as I got only dirt back from there.

Well not really….I got more of a mixture on never ending mourning and hate and it sucked me dry. Every time when I felt I have gotten better and I’m coping with the new life…he took all the positivity out of me and left me with emptiness and sorrow over the misery I created for us.

Well, it was a misery for „us“, not for me and not for you.

As separate people we are actually not miserable. Yes, we can feel down and very sad about the broken relationship and shattered hearts. But it is only for „us“ and there is no longer „us“.

Yes, it takes time! It took us ten years to grow together, it wont take us a year to grow apart. It is okay to for „us“ to feel hurt.

But honey. You…and well me. We are not miserable or unhappy. We have our lives in our hands, we are healthy, still young(ish) and have good jobs with good salaries. The whole world is out there supporting our „comeback“ to the big dating scene. We are just stuck in the comfort zone of being martyres.

And I can tell you one thing — a lot has changed in the dating world since. We have changed. Our expectations are higher and our love language clearer.

We have actually made „the game“ easier for our future lovers. We know what we want or need at a certain lifetime. Is it just a „no relationships, as they would be hurtful rebounds. Just fuckbuddies please“ period or „wow, this person makes me feel whole again, he might be the right one“ growth.

We feel now other people better and give out just as much as we feel they are meaning to us (or how much we mean to them).

Just don’t overthink it.

Not every woman in her late twenties or early thirties is looking for a “baby daddy” and not every divorced man is “women-hater fuckboy”.

We all are still in the search of the soulmate. The one that won’t hurt and leave us. And I don’t mean walking out of the relationship — I mean while in relationship, the mental “oh, honey…I forgot you existed” abandoning of each other.

There will be people who heal you. There will be people who teach you. There will be people who hurt and teach you. And there will be people who will see you as their teacher.

There will be days on lustful sex, furious sex! Sweet cuddles and very melancholic snuggles. There will be days on tantric dancing or vigorous discussions. Maybe even some heated arguments. There will be all of it. All of what “us” used to have.

Just not maybe with the same person. And maybe you won’t even reckon it at first. But life will come back to it’s normal …I’d even say routine pace.

I don’t know how long does it take to get better. Or if it takes “someone” to get better.

All I know, is that I and you — “us” — we have to believe that we were the best that could happen to each other over the past 10 years as we shaped each other to be the persons we are today.

We shaped each other over those ten years and now we are finally ready I guess. Ready for the next person to fully enjoy and reckon the glorius people we have become thanks to each other.

Thank you!

Thank you for showing me how I love.