“How do you want to feel along the way?”
San Francisco Bay Area— August 23, 2021
“Please let us know if you have any questions, we can’t wait for you to start!
Best,
Angela and the Samsara Recruiting Team”
Even a whole four months after receiving that email from Samsara confirming that I would be joining their team as a Product Manager, I still find myself grinning broadly at that last line.
Recruiting for a new job during my master’s degree was a slog — full of intense preparation, nervous moments, bitter disappointments, but ultimately, exaltation at landing a job I was genuinely excited to start.
Getting an offer from Samsara was an accomplishment I was supremely proud of. This is one of the fastest growing enterprise software companies in history, and there were no doubt hundreds of other candidates that were competing with me for my exact position.
Not to toot my own horn too much, but getting this opportunity was a real feather in my cap.
More importantly, I was going to have an opportunity to build technology that could help build better cities — safer, more sustainable, and more efficient. Samsara’s connected cloud operations platform could help modernize the operations of the heavy industries that city-dwellers rely on extensively, yet have little knowledge as to their inner workings — trucking, construction, infrastructure field services, etc.
Being mission-driven with my work had always been of importance to me. I firmly believe in choosing work that helps leave the world in a better state than when you started. It was a value instilled in me during my days volunteering for Engineers Without Borders Canada. And Samsara was giving me an opportunity to be paid handsomely to live up to that value.
So, why, just two months into the job, was I starting to feel drained and overwhelmed?
That thought brings me crashing back to the present day. I’m now about ten weeks into my role at Samsara, and while I have genuinely admired the people I’ve interacted with so far, received incredible support from peers and my manager as I’ve ramped up, and been healthily challenged by the job at hand, I feel like I’m…languishing.
Every day feels a little harder than it should. Every challenging interaction takes a little more wind out of my sails than I would expect. Each victory bring a little less joy than I would have hoped for.
What the heck is going on?
I’ve always been an introspective person, so I started to ask myself a series of questions.
Did I make a mistake joining Samsara? I put some genuine thought into answering this, and ultimately dismissed the notion. I still feel that sense of giddiness thinking about the opportunity to build better cities with Samsara’s technology. I value the culture and the people immensely. I know in my bones that this company can be a long-term home for me.
Am I doing too much of something that makes me unhappy? Am I not doing enough of something that makes me happy? I was able to identify a few things, but these were largely superficial. Work out 3x a week, instead of just 2x. Not really the heart of the issue.
It was a conversation with my therapist that helped me unravel this mystery. We were talking about my aspirations for the future — to grow old with someone, to own a home, to have a family. She pointed out that many people had accomplished the same goals, but weren’t necessarily satisfied with their lives.
Her words boiled down to: As you achieve and live these milestones, how do you want to feel along the way? There will be happy days and sad, but what feeling will underpin it all?
That question rattled around in my brain for a couple days, until I finally stumbled across the answer.
Connected. I want to feel connected. Connected with people who both share my values, and yet are diverse enough to broaden my perspectives.
Every human needs to feel part of a tribe. It’s baked into our DNA. And after 18 months of pandemic-induced tumult that saw me graduate from a master’s program without meeting any of classmates or professors in person, and then start a new job where I’ve been into the office four times in two months, I had lost a sense of who my tribe was (beyond my incredible girlfriend, who has helped keep me sane through much of this change).
I leaned into the discomfort I was feeling around that lack of tribe, and realized that what I wanted most — and what I was lacking most — was being anchored in a tribe that shared this value of prioritizing social impact in our work. A tribe that supported one another, but also challenged one another to be better every day. A tribe of friends, who could show up for each other through triumph and tribulation.
Part of the reason that I want this so badly is that I’ve always struggled to find it. Having deep friendships that form the basis of a community has never come easy for me. As strange as it sounds, friendship feels like a skill that I’ve never properly developed. I can make it happen, but clumsily — the way that someone with poor fine motor skills would feel attempting calligraphy.
From this lack of ‘skill’ forms a vicious cycle.
- I try to build friendships and struggle
- I get dejected at my failure
- I stop attempting new friendships
- I eventually lament my lack of community
- I try again
- I struggle because I’m effectively ‘out of practice’
- I get dejected again
- And so on…
(As a side note — it’s cathartic to be able to write this down ‘out loud’, instead of feeling shameful at this seeming lack of ability to do something that comes naturally to so many.)
Recognizing how much I crave being in a tribe of folks seeking to make an impact, I’m taking away a few things:
- Community-building, particularly around social impact, needs to be a higher priority in my life.
- I can’t be the only one feeling this way among my friends and colleagues.
With these two thoughts in mind, I’m setting up the following calls to action:
For myself:
Prioritize finding my tribe. Talk to people, understand what networks and communities already exist. If I can’t find one, make one of my own.
Seek help in building this skill of tribe-building, rather than attempting it alone — people, books, all manners of resources.
Be patient with myself as I encounter obstacles or failures along the way.
For you, the reader:
If what I’ve written here today resonates with you, please reach out! I’d love to hear about your stories, your motivations, and your aspirations. Drop a comment, and we can chat.
