The F word

I hesitated to call myself a feminist for a very long time. I hesitated because I was raised with tremendous love and encouragement, and this, I thought, precluded me from being a feminist. I never experienced any of the second-class treatment which many girls who grow up in a household with a brother often do. My grandfather, father and brother have had a tremendous influence in the way I think, talk and live, and some of my dearest friends are of the opposite sex. Growing up in this positive, loving and fair environment, there was never any doubt in my mind that men and women should be treated alike. I hadn’t even thought about it because the only truth I was exposed to was that my brother and I were treated equally, and that my independent and intelligent mother had as much say in our home as my father. I hesitated to call myself a feminist because I had not witnessed the troubles and inequalities which I felt were intricately linked to calling oneself a feminist. I know today, have known for a while, that I could not be more wrong.

I learnt that while being treated unfairly due to one’s gender might definitely serve as a catalyst for someone to be a part of the feminist movement, it should in no way be a requirement. If it were, almost half the human population would be debarred from calling themselves feminists just by virtue of being men. I learnt that instead of being guilty about my comfortable upbringing, I should work to make that a benchmark for the lesser privileged. I also learnt that I was wrong when I thought that I am free of the shackles that society places on its women. Once outside the comfort of my home, I was treated differently from men. This difference often bordered unfairness. As a female student, I did not have the option to walk about as freely as my male classmates in my university. I had to adhere to a strict dress code where as the men had one only for formality. I became so aware of this difference that my first reaction when I got my first job was to wonder whether the company hired me only because they had a female quota to fill. It was a grave injustice to my upbringing which was all about empowering me with choices, and making me capable for them. Looking back, I realize that this treacherous thought was a result of how society makes its women feel. Even the most confident of us are sometimes made to feel a little smaller than we are.

The more I experienced the world around me, the more I learnt about society’s double standards. Mansplaining was no longer a fancy word, it was the underlying theme of many conversations I was a part of. I saw my girl friends being refused promotions only because they were getting married; I couldn’t help but wonder if the same treatment would be meted out to male employees. I saw confident and strong women being labelled as arrogant and loud. I also saw well-meaning men act in ways that inadvertently made women feel less able than they were. Offended as I was, I realized that these acts were also a result of being raised in a society that can sometimes poison people’s minds in extremely subtle ways.

My experiences taught me two very clear and important lessons. The first being that one does not have to be treated unfairly to fight for fairness, and the second, that I was not immune to the sexism and patriarchy around me. I too had experienced some of the second-class treatment I thought was necessary to call oneself a feminist. I’ve been fortunate enough to be given more opportunities than many other women who are equally, if not more, capable than I am. While I worked hard to make the most of these opportunities, it would be a great blunder to not acknowledge that I stand on the shoulders of giants - Women who fought to break norms and make society a little less unequal. The acts of these women are the butterfly effect in action — they dared to flap their wings, and we continue to thrive in their courage.

I still think twice before calling myself a feminist. The reasons for my caution now though are very different from what they were a few years ago. My hesitation today stems from the fact that I haven’t done enough for my sisters to call myself a feminist. I feel that I haven’t earned the right and privilege to be called one. I have never had a lot of respect for keyboard warriors and I do not believe that writing just another post about my feminist awakening is worth even a penny in the continuing fight for equality. I will, however, continue calling myself a feminist with the hope that it constantly reminds me of how much I owe to everyone who came before me, and that the best way to honor them is by paying it forward.