Waiting a man out is not a marriage strategy.
I know so many women who believe if they just stick around long enough, then they will be rewarded for their patience with a gold ring.
I know a woman who waited eight years for my cousin to propose. She waited through multiple affairs and several breakups and eventually he did propose.
And while they have been married for a while, they are having problems. Namely, he wants more kids (they have one), and she does not. Something you think they would have figured out in eight years of dating.
We can look to celebrity couples for this sort of thing as well, with mixed results. Prince William strung his wife Duchess Kate around for years so much, so the British press nicknamed her Waity Katey as she dutifully waited for the Prince to put a ring on it.
You have Diddy and Kim (R.I.P.)who, after three kids, 13 years, and 1 J-Lo still could not convince Combs to marry her. Then there was Diddy and Cassie, who, after ten years and no babies, Cassie wised up and left her famous beaux for a regular joe and got pregnant and engaged in less than a year.
And then there is T.I. who, after two kids, one miscarriage, and a prison sentence finally got around to asking his long term girlfriend to marry him. While they did make it down the aisle, several very public and humiliating affairs and one postponed divorce later, it’s really hard to call their union a successful one.
Our entertainment regularly perpetuates this nonsense, as well. The first Sex and the City movie had Big (Chris Noth) finally (sort of) propose to Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) after ten years of off and on dating and adultery. If you’ve seen the movie, you know how all that works out, but getting Mr. Big to put a ring on it was not a win.
The real lesson everyone should have taken away from the film is that men don’t stop being narcissistic, commitment-phobic assholes just because they finally propose. If anything, the movie was a cautionary tale of how it is important to know the difference between the men you sleep with (Mr. Big) and the ones you marry (Aidan).
Ultimately, it makes no sense to laser focus on one man that will cause you to give up years, decades even, of your life in hopes that this man will propose.
As a woman, why would you willingly give up your power?
Contrary to what women’s magazines would have you believe, getting married isn’t all that difficult. And the easiest way to see that it happens is to follow this very simple advice:
If you’re with a man who doesn’t want to get married when you’re looking to get married, for whatever reason, then drop him and find you someone who is.
At the end of the day, it is easier to find someone who wants to marry you then it is to convince someone who has shown you he doesn’t, that he should change his mind.
Relationships are about compatibility, and if you’re seeking marriage and he is not, then you all are not compatible.
Hoping, praying, begging, pleading, and waiting is not going to make him marry you. And even if he does, what kind of marriage will it be?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I want a man who wants to marry me, not one I had to drag, kicking and screaming, to the altar.