8th grade, 15th grade, 16th grade, and Beyond
I spent my Tuesday evening refreshing a Facebook event page multiple times, frustratingly to no avail. They were all out of RSVP tickets. What a relief that my housemate turned up with an extra ticket.
My housemates and I found ourselves in a room the next day of what felt like 200+ all gathered to watch and remember this film. And even more hoped to grab a coveted seat for viewing the movie; yet the Bruin Film Society and A24 club at UCLA had to turn down students in accordance with orders from the fire marshal.
Why would over 200 students want to gather to watch a movie they could easily view from their laptops? I believe it has something do to with elements in the film that settle and resonate with each student in that room (and beyond).
And perhaps, because the director/writer of the film as well as the leading actress were there after to discuss the remarkable movie.
The film, “Eighth Grade”, did more than remind us of awkward memories, difficult transitions, social media references — it forced us to feel every preteeny emotion we either forgot by accident or made an effort to forget. Yet to me, rather than only triggering a distant insecure memory of a 12 year old self, the complexity of emotions embedded in “Eighth Grade” proved strikingly and freshly familiar as a 23 year old.
“Eighth Grade” displays eighth grader Kayla Day portrayed by Elsie Fisher, who is on the cusp of beginning high school. The movie navigates through Kayla’s final days of eighth grade narrated by self-help vlogs she posts on her personal Youtube page. Each vlog features Kayla giving tips on how to better one’s self all-around — “how to be confident” and “how to put yourself out there” just to name a few.
But despite posting these vlogs, the audience watches Kayla grapple to achieve her own advice; which she later admits to in the film. Kayla films a final vlog as a farewell to her followers (followers she is unsure she even has), and proceeds to ask her dad for help burning a memory box she made for herself in sixth grade to open at the end of eighth grade.
Kayla is unhappy and embarrassed with who she is as an eighth grader when remembering all her ‘sixth grade’ self expected her to be be 2 years later — having a boyfriend and tons of friends — another feeling that I certainly remember festering internally while in eighth grade. Yet, those feelings again felt fresh; specifically in being a transfer student at UCLA.
When starting at UCLA I so often times wanted to perhaps burn my own memory box of what I thought I would do while at UCLA versus what actually happened. A prime example is that I always dreamed of performing in musical theater during my time here. I auditioned, I got a part! And then soon realized there was no way I could balance work, school, and musical rehearsals (a personal decision — I acknowledge and know many amazing people who are able to balance all elements and I commend them!). Was I lacking for not being able to handle all three commitments?
I additionally found my Transfer experience paralleling with what Kayla experiences in deciding to go to a popular girl from her school’s birthday party. She attends in an attempt to “put herself out there”, as she describes and later creates a self-help vlog about. But as soon as she arrives, she finds herself having a anxiety attack in the bathroom. We can not determine with dialogue said in this scene what specifically she felt the anxiety about; because no words are spoken during her attack. But it ignites a feeling of familiarity yet again to a time while in eighth grade, suddenly unsure of everything in the midst of a decision you made; wanting everything inside to turn back around and get the heck out of that bathroom. Or perhaps, to a time when you were a transfer student; sitting on that top bunk in your dorm…your apartment…your home, feeling lonely and doubtful as ever simply because you didn’t start at UCLA as a freshman.
The Bruin welcome block party. Who would I go with? I knew no one at UCLA yet. But I thought: “I need to put myself out there.” My roommates were not moved in yet. I was alone, wanting nothing but to stay in; or go back to the town I grew up in. I cried, it felt much harder to breathe; gridlocked between homesickness and feeling obligated to attend the party.
And should I even mention the amount of stress I’ve had during schoolwork? I’m guessing this is another one of those moments you can understand without dialogue. Self-doubt is a vicious enemy.
Many transfers and non-traditional students I come across can relate with Kayla’s moment in the bathroom, or at least a variation of it. We have prefixed expectations quickly encountered being a Bruin, and we must learn by doing — by being thrown into the fire. I can’t tell you how many transfers I’ve come across wondering that painstaking question: “Do I really belong here?” or, “Do I have what it takes to be here?” It can be terrifying, overwhelming.
Additionally, stressful circumstances that happen at home often have to do with why we are a transfer or a non-traditional student in the first place. We must not only adjust to life at UCLA, but do so while carrying our unique and often challenging life-at-home situations.
Kayla’s dad, Mark, eventually takes Kayla outside to the fire pit where she throws her 6th grade memory box into the flames. Kayla then proceeds to tell Mark that if she had a daughter like herself one day, she would feel sad all the time.
Mark immediately stops Kayla in her tracks and emotionally submerges all the things he loves about his daughter. He argues that it is one of his life’s greatest joys being her father. Kayla attacks her dad with a bear hug, a seemingly unusual gesture in how Kayla adolescently sasses her dad the entire film.
Mark himself is navigating a transition within the film, of course not central to the film’s plot but reflective of his daughter’s grapple. He anxiously shows up at one of his daughter’s hangouts because he is not used to the idea of Kayla going out and socializing. He must acclimate to a new territory of his daughter growing older, and continue to acclimate to trying to understand his daughter in her adolescent and female experience. He himself is quirky and awkward — almost as if he is about to graduate eighth grade and begin high school himself.
Kayla also inherits a high school mentor, Olivia, who walks Kayla through one entire day of high school. Olivia is ferociously bubbly, friendly, but admittedly nervous herself which she admits to Kayla before beginning their day together.
I can’t help but strongly feel this film encompasses a range of different characters attempting to navigate and understand their own “eighth grade” experience; and heavily admire the film’s inclusion of these various characters. Through this variance of age in characters we are demonstrated that each day and decision is a type of transition — that all feelings which come with the transition, each quirk we act out in attempts to acclimate ourselves; is normal. Is to be expected. Is a step in what develops us into highly functioning and strong human beings.
I certainly do not want to give the ending away for those who haven’t seen the glorious movie that is “Eighth Grade”, but… spoiler alert ahead. I will just say that eventually, Kayla makes a new memory box for her future self to open when she graduates high school. Inside contains a USB drive that has a video she made of herself speaking to her high school senior self. At one point she states,
“If high school sucked for you, I’m really sorry about that…but it’s whatever, middle school wasn’t so great for me but I’m past it now. I’m moving forward. You can do that too with High school… just cause things are happening to you right now doesn’t mean that they’re always gonna happen to you cause things will change…you never know what’s gonna happen next, that’s what makes things exciting and fun.”
New and continuing transfers, we are now navigating our own version of eighth grade. We must daily adjust to new decisions and transitions that not every Bruin can relate with. We must cope, we must cry, we must feel challenged and frustrated and critical. But let these not be met without being a Mark, exerting just as much assurance and encouragement where we have uncertainty for new environments, for ourselves and other transfer Bruins who need to know what makes us incredible, capable, smart, worthy. Let us not move forward without addressing our current and future selves like Kayla does, confirming that change can be an exciting and positive force. And let these not be met trusting that who you will be in the future will be just as genuinely remarkable.
In the Q and A, Bo Burnham explained that the premise of “Eighth Grade” started with writing a scene that attempted to capture the feelings he had during a nervous breakdown he experienced in the backstage of one of his comedy shows. When he started writing, he felt it naturally came out from the perspective on a teenage girl having an anxiety attack in the bathroom. “I tend to personally connect most deeply to films I don’t demographically align with,” Burnham stated.
The teenage experience of eighth grade is one that is unique, sacred, one that is not always “relatable” because it is very associated with the distinct internal complexities that arise during adolescence. But don’t you think we could learn a lot, that we could take away a lot away from how to navigate new territory from the eighth grade experience? And that we could feel ease knowing, we are not the only ones navigating this new territory?
Maybe 15th, 16th, and beyond grades aren’t all that different from
8th grade.♦
