Triumph is a Transfer(d) Mindset Away
Nothing made me run faster, work harder, or try longer than those words, “you can’t.” It was as if the possibility of failure was my ticket to triumph. As a little girl I lived for those tree-climbing, race-winning, knee-scraping moments that probably terrified any watching adults. Yet somewhere along the way I was taught the social skill of fearing failure. I was normalized to the mind-numbing life of playing it safe and following the timid trails of the tolerant feet that went before me. Risk became a four letter word — perhaps the only one I didn’t hear on a regular day at work.
My journey through my undergraduate degree as a non-traditional, first-generation, self-supporting transfer student is a tale of taking back my love of risk and giving failure a face-on fight. It’s my hope that sharing this journey will challenge the challenger in you!
But before I share my story, let’s get something out of the way: We’ve been trained to fear failure. Can you imagine for a second a classroom where an “F” on a test was required to pass the class? Probably not. Our society is geared towards rewarding test-“acers” and race-winners. We tend to highlight the 30 seconds of fame more than we celebrate the 30 years of painful lessons that led to a moment of victory.
When I was 20, I was given a life-threatening diagnosis and a subsequent diagnosis that I might “never walk again” and “never be able to use my leg normally.” I was furious. Not so much about the disease that had doctors worrying, but more because I recognized areas of my life where I had been living afraid of failure and scared that my potential success would intimidate others. I had been avoiding risk and in turn it had stifled my creativity and shackled my tenacity. I decided to face it head on. I took a chance on a surgery, decided to take the SAT while still recovering and on pain meds, and determined to move to Sacramento in order to attend school. I applied and appealed to two universities, which promptly rejected me. I had only one connection, no job, and a car that died two months into the adventure, but I discovered something I can never let go: We are born to take risks and by doing so, the dreamer inside us is allowed to be free.
Now I’m not saying it was all fun. There is this gut-wrenching, breath-sucking, skin-crawling uncertainty that accompanies every risk you take. Have you ever been sky-diving? It’s like that moment you know that you have to jump but all you can think about is how far you are about to fall. While valid, this perspective is too often the one controlling discourses on risk-taking, so I devote the remainder of this article to a less common perspective: What if risk-taking is actually more fun and freeing then it is scary and intimidating? I think if we learn to love the fall, we will find ourselves flying more than failing.
In a slightly cheesy line from the movie Divergent, the perfectly-toned, Dauntless-trainer, Four, tells the heroine, Tris, that “you’re not like the others… fear doesn’t shut you down, it wakes you up.” This is closer to truth than we dare to admit! There is something about facing fears that should stimulate us, but most of us need a shift of perspective, or perhaps a “transfer” of mindsets (i.e. “thinking patterns”) to recognize this.
You see, most of us have been taught to fear risk, but the reality is that without risk reward never happens. If I hadn’t been willing to risk being rejected by universities I would have never actually been — rejected! I also wouldn’t have found the community college down the road and the courage to apply again — this time to be accepted by the top public school in the nation! Without risking humiliation I would have never stepped onto a tennis court missing leg muscle — I would have missed out on hundreds of frustrating days with my “uncle Bill” as I hit ball after ball out of the court. I would have also missed out on playing intercollegiate women’s tennis for two seasons and learning how to beat most of the men on the advanced recreational team at UCLA! Without risking the indignation of my peers to ask one more question or critique the class material, I would never have been — alienated by classmates or made fun of by clique groups! I would have also never had the opportunity to sit with professors and conduct research under distinguished faculty. Do you see a theme?
It’s not that taking risks guarantees immediate success, it’s that the fear of failure will keep us from future triumphs!
This is where transfer students are perfectly positioned to take the fight to failure’s doorstep. Most of us have come through intense obstacles, made difficult decisions, and risked rejection and failure — over and over again. As brave as we have been and as incredible as it is to be here at the University of California, Los Angeles, we cannot stop now. That breath-stealing, sweating-palms, dry-mouth moment is still waiting for you — but it’s a lot more fun than you think!
Risk looks different to everyone, but it always costs something and should create a feeling of vibrancy and alive-ness as we pursue it. It could be taking a class outside your major, joining a club, talking to a classmate, asking a professor for a recommendation letter, or writing the paper response you actually believe, not the one that you are told will get an “A.” Risk is waiting for you: in the scholarships you think about applying for, the study abroad you dared to glance at, the person you peek at over your phone but hesitate to speak to. RISK. It doesn’t go away and it never feels comfortable. But we do uncomfortable well! Transition (i.e. “transferring”) is no easy, risk-less journey, so why should we stop now? Learning to love the fall and “transferring” our mindsets to value risk more than fearing failure could open doors we never dreamed of knocking on.
