Socialising like Keanu Reeves — A Social Guide for Introverts
You probably know who Keanu Reeves is. If the name does not ring a bell, maybe The Matrix, John Wick or “the Internet’s boyfriend” does the trick.
If not, here’s a pic ❤️
Perhaps, you might think that only extroverts get to be charismatic. If we have a look at the definition of charisma we can appreciate that extroversion is not part of the equation.
Charisma: a spiritual power or personal quality that gives an individual influence or authority over large numbers of people.
Even though Keanu has played large roles in action films, he is far from being an extrovert. Extroverts tend to be energetic people with a great sense of humour that enjoy being around others. If you’re an introvert, you probably have a social battery that runs out after too much human interaction.
If you are shy, quiet and feel awkward in most social events we have 7 Keanu-inspired tips for you to release the charisma in you:
1. Redirect attention to other people
One thing that Keanu does often, is redirecting praise towards others. Even when he’s complimented on a role, he recognises that he wouldn’t have done it without the devoted work of his crew.
People love to talk about themselves. Even introverts! Why? Because it releases the same chemicals released in our bodies when eating food or having sex. It is gratifying. It feels good.
However, introverts have a harder time talking about themselves with people they badly know. They are better at talking to themselves inside their heads, overthinking what to say to make sure they don’t say anything awkward #truestory.
So when you find yourself struggling in a conversation, here are three things you can do:
- Compliment them on their outfit, on something they did recently or simply show them some appreciation. For instances, if you are going to a party and you don’t know the host, you can tell them that they did a really nice job with the decoration.
- Ask open-ended questions to keep them talking. Open-ended questions are those that don’t involve yes/no answers. For example, if they let you know that they were raised abroad, instead of simply saying “cool”, or “I heard that’s beautiful, I would like to visit”, you can add “What were your favourite places to go there?”.
- Repeat the last few words of things they say. Normally the last three. For example, if the person you just met told you “I had a long week. I’ve been working on a difficult project.” you just repeat “a difficult project”. Now, this person will start talking about their project and you just keep repeating the last few words of anything they say. They will give you more information about them and you don’t have to worry about what you have to say because they are doing most of the talking. At the end of the night, you are a cool person!
2. Use humour in your answers
Keanu was once asked, “What is your secret for always staying down-to-earth?”. To which he simply answered: “gravity”.
Even if you don’t have a good sense of humour, a healthy dose of sarcasm tends to do the trick.
3. Speak your tone. It’s OK
Introverts tend to speak really low and slow (guilty!). This quiet voice of yours will transmit calm and peace to others while you are speaking. This will make you sound more trustworthy. Extra social points!
One thing to note is that you should try to be coherent in your sentences. If you are not sure what to say, it’s OK to be quiet for a few seconds and then give an answer back. However, try not to make this pause too long.
4. Use hand gestures
When you use your hands as you speak you are showing to the other side that you don’t have anything to hide. Additionally, your gestures would be synchronized with your words and this would give the conversation a better flow and enthusiasm. So, no hands inside your pockets!
There’s one gesture that you’ll see Keanu do often — rubbing hands. If you pay attention, you will notice that he does this every time he is going to tell a story. It’s like his body is saying “I’m about to tell you something good!”.
5. Look people in the eye
We know that this is a hard one. This is something that Keanu does struggle doing as he often looks down in conversations. But hey, we can learn from the good and from the it-can-improve-and-you-are-still-amazing.
When you don’t look people in the eye for long periods when having a conversation it can break the link that is connecting their attention to what you are delivering.
One reason that makes Keanu struggle with this is that he seems to fall into a kinesthetic personality. Probably you do too if you are an introvert. Kinesthetic people tend to speak slowly, use hand gestures to better articulate their words and learn better by doing. They also tend to be more emotional than visual and auditory people.
When you break eye contact for too long, it is probably because you (an introvert) are trying to articulate your words in your head or because you are re-living an experience.
6. Be event-selective
If you recognise you are an introvert/kinesthetic amazing human or know a person that is, go on activities where you can bond and allow one-to-one quality time. Remember that introverts are emotional people. They often avoid events with large crowds like dinners, parties or bars. They rather feel more comfortable in groups where they share something in common. For introverts, quality time is more about connecting than the activity itself.
Just be yourself. It’s OK to say no to events that won’t allow you to embrace your personality traits. Grab a coffee with a few friends, join a reading club, learn how to surf, find a gym buddy, participate in societies, and the list goes on and on.
7. Be generous and genuine
If you know a few things about Keanu, you might know how generous and humble he is. The best part, you don’t find out these things from him but rather from people who talk about what we did.
Some last few words
Keanu embraces his introvert personality and we still find him charismatic. Now, you can look up to him and also embrace your quietness, crazy hand gestures and fascinating personality.
If you would like to find more introverts like you and join you in activities you fancy doing, you should join the Buddoop community.
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We can’t wait to meet you!
