Finding Balance
It’s funny how you can know the definition of a word but never truly understand the meaning of it until you experience it. “ADD” was a term that I was familiar with but felt capable enough to handle.
Famous last words.
Our son was our first child. We always chalked up his intense behavior to “He’s a boy,” or “He’s our first son — isn’t this normal?” I got the dreaded “first phone call home” from the principal when he was in kindergarten for bad behavior. (Isn’t that supposed to happen in the fifth grade?!) Reading was a struggle, and he gravitated towards video games and Internet videos. Schools were incorporating Chromebooks into the study program, so we went along with the new teaching technique. Thankfully, we had a great relationship with our pediatrician and would often consult with him for advice on childhood development. My sister is an elementary school teacher; her husband an elementary school principal. We had professional guidance every step of the way. We tried behavioral techniques, cutting out food dyes/processed sugars/refined carbs, essential oils…you name it, we’ve honestly given it a fair trial. With no improvement seen, we began counseling. Finally we were advised to get our son tested for ADD. BINGO! Getting an answer that only created more questions felt like a relief at the time… but that is exactly what we got: An answer!
With a new direction and a more focused approached, we began to implement structured schedules, communication binders with his teachers, etc. Our last step was to introduce medication when all our other options were exhausted. If you don’t already know, starting ADD medication can bring results within a day or two. Finally, I had found the good boy that I knew existed in my son all along!!! His grades improved rapidly, but there was still the addiction to the Internet that we couldn’t shake. I don’t use the word addiction lightly, but that is truly what it was: An addiction.
Battling to get our son away from the computer would send ripples of anxiety through my core like a freight train. He would scream and have what we would affectionately refer to as “Nuclear Meltdowns” in our home. I wish all we heard was “I hate you,” or “You suck.” We called that a good day when we heard those words. Our precious six-year-old son would scream that he wanted to harm himself. I would have to sit in his room, block the door, stay quiet, and make sure he wouldn’t hurt himself by flaying his uncontrollable body into the corner of the bed’s footboard or bookcase just because (and only because) I took the Xbox away. There were countless times I would have to sprint towards a door before my son had the chance to lock himself inside. I understand that I am not my child’s best friend but his parent. Being the bad guy sometimes is part of the deal. But we do so to teach our kids valuable lessons in respect and self-discipline. What we lost during this time was the ability to establish our authority as parents in regards to Internet limits. Don’t get me wrong, we are the parents, and what we say goes in our house. Please don’t simplify this issue. Seeing your child physically unable to control him or herself is a sight I wish on no one. One may never know how to handle it until they are confronted with it. This is what addiction did to us and had my sanity hanging by a thread.
One day on Facebook, I came across an ad for Circle. The website was interesting but in all honesty my first impression was, “great, another product that won’t work.” Remember, we tried EVERYTHING under the sun. I don’t know why, but I clicked the video that explained how Circle worked and was impressed by the way the company had thought of every angle. This possibly can’t be true, right? A device that is near impossible to turn off AND notified you if it was taken out of the house? A device that automatically cuts access to the Internet off? A device that allows you set limits for each individual website??!! I swear that I heard angels singing. This is too good to be true. Where is the catch? Next thoughts: “Oh my God, I still have doctors and counseling bills. Do I really want to spend a hundred dollars on something that might not work?” I could really use that on a massage and bottle of wine, or a night of babysitting instead (am I right, parents?). I bit the bullet. I clicked submit order. I waited for it in the mail.
I feared the response our son would have to this. So much so that I didn’t tell the kids what I bought or even where I put it. Then the inevitable happened…they found out. Truth be told, all hell broke out. Two straight nights of intense breakdowns is nothing to laugh at. And no, I’m not exaggerating in the least bit. We stood our ground and used our tools & techniques to help him through it. He finally accepted it. He agreed to terms that would allow him to earn Internet time as a reward. For example: If he completed his homework on Friday, I would remove the time limits on the Internet for the weekend. Would I proclaim that Circle was the one and only cure all? No. Having the education about ADD and how to handle it is one thing, but having the tools and understanding how to use them best for your life are another. Our son began to understand that once his time is up, it’s up. We had no way to enforce that before. For example: If we took the Xbox away, he would just run to dad’s computer, or grab my iPhone, etc. Not anymore. For the first time, our son asked if he could go outside and ride his bike or hang out in the yard this summer. He leaves his room and searches me out (YES, searches ME out!!!) to tell me about his day, or just asks for a hug. He asked to join Taekwondo and baseball. He understands what it means to earn more time on the Internet. I’m no longer the evil parent that takes away his favorite things. There is nothing to physically take away so our son doesn’t stress out over the prospect that he’ll never get his item back. There are still moments when I pinch myself.
I can honestly say that Circle has helped my child achieve a higher level of maturity. I can truthfully say that this relieved a huge sense of stress in my life. Our son has learned the joys of earning something all on his own and how to better budget his time. He has learned how to expand his imagination and look for other ways to occupy his time beyond the four walls of his room. He now loves to read so much that he finished the entire Harry Potter Series in two and half months! Does he still resist the limitations we have set from time to time? Absolutely — but it’s a conversation, not a battle. We have recommended Circle to our doctors, counselors, principals, family and friends. The best words I can pass along to another parent is to not lose hope. This product actually works on multiple levels! If your child is addicted to the Internet, please, Please, PLEASE give Circle a try. What I’ve written here is just a fraction of the benefits that Circle can provide. This is a prime example of how technology can be used for good.
When all’s said and done, we as parents must rely on the lessons we’ve taught our children and provide them with a good example. The best reward we can hope to accomplish is to see our children successful, happy, and self-sufficient once we can no longer be there for them. Being a child in this day and age is unlike any other. There are more options, distractions, and pressure. They are expected to excel in a fraction of the time we had. Unplug time is a must for our family. Thank you to the team at Circle for the development of a superb product that is easy to use and effective. Your long hours and dedication have not gone unnoticed. You have truly made a difference for the better in our lives.
Respectfully,
Laura Z.
Laura Z. is a registered dietitian and a mom of two boys. Her passions include foreign films/TV, cars, and baking.
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