A reflection of my first quarter at UCI:

This quarter in Irvine passed by quickly. I am grateful for all the friendships, challenges, and blessings that God has specifically planted in my life. I have never felt so alone before and I felt as if I were thrown in the deep end of the pool without any help — struggling to learn how to swim for the first time. I was and am still saddened to lose contact with my close friends in Santa Cruz and London. During the first few months in Irvine, I was mourning for the life that I was deeply familiar with, a comfort zone that I was hesitant to leave. I cried myself to sleep every night and struggled with controlling my panic attacks. I dragged myself out of bed every morning with a murderous look and a scowl on my face. I began having random chest pains and splitting headaches every day, and I was losing focus on everything that I was doing. To put it simply, I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained.

This is a mentality I still struggle with and I think God has shown me to gradually let go of my insecurities and trust in Him more. Through Crosslife, I have met genuine people, who have encouraged me to seek Him in the midst of my trials. I’ve learned to turn to his words during times of uncertainty and seasons of doubt and anxiousness. I’ve learned to hunger for Him even when my earthly instincts tell me otherwise. I’ve learned to surrender myself — my goals, my pride, my relationships, my shame, and most importantly my life — to Him because he is the one who is sovereign and in charge of my sanctification.

Also, because I have only been in Irvine for a quarter, my friendships have not deepened and grown as much as I would like. I grew weary and anxious from my lack of physical and emotional intimacy with others, and even slowly began to isolate myself to allow Satan dictate my relationships and life decisions. However, I learned that without a doubt that God is good and his goodness always shines through. Through my spiritual journey, God is still slowly working through me and teaching me to be more patient & ultimately come to an understanding that His plans will always work out.

Thank you, Jesus. I will continue to find comfort in your promises and your people. I hope to keep learning more about your infinite love for your people and the purpose that you have for each one of us.