I dare you to let me grow up!
Encourage your teen to be an adult…they will thank you for it.
The teen years seem to bring much angst into the hearts of parents. Rebellion, bad attitudes, intense emotions seem to be expected. Why? Could it be the teenager is just daring his/her parents to notice them and respond to the fact that they are trying to grow up? Parents say they want their children to grow up and become responsible adults, but sometimes the way they interact with their teen tells a very different story. In some ways, it’s easier to keep a son or daughter a child because you still have control over their lives. This very control you, as a parent, are trying to exercise could be part of the problem. If you truly want to help your teen move on (and you should) here are some helpful ideas.
Give choices instead of commands — It’s so easy to just give a command to your teen then ask them how they want to accomplish a task. If you give your teen some choices when it comes to what they are responsible for or how they are to do something they will “own” the job and the satisfaction of completing it well.
Allow your teen to fail — It’s not a parent’s job to fix everything in their teen’s life so they are always successful. Failure can be an excellent motivator if handled correctly. If your child doesn’t get to his/her part-time job on time and loses their job, they can’t purchase something they want. You can be empathetic and help them learn from this experience.
Let them discover the answers — Teens need to own their morals and values. They need to work out their worldview. If we just hand them one that we expect them to follow it will be borrowed from us. Ask your teen questions about the hard issues of life: pre-marital sex, drugs, relationships, faith, social issues, and financial issues. Lead them to decide how to live. They need to decide these important issues for themselves to live them out.
Grant them the privilege of work — Young people need to earn what they want. When they have everything handed to them they become dissatisfied, unfulfilled adults. They also learn to value their possessions and take care of them. This is a great blessing you can give your child, so let them get a job.
Connect before you correct — If you want to impact your teen, develop a relationship with them. No one likes to be corrected by someone who doesn’t invest in his or her life. Your teen wants your respect and attention as much as you want theirs. Model it for them. Try to understand where they are coming from before you correct them.
Be more interested in long-term results — It’s so easy to just want to “fix” behavior right now then put in the time it takes to mentor a young person so they develop integrity. Use each moment now to build the person your teen is going to be for the rest of their lives.
