Survive Rejection Slips and Grow as a Writer with These Four Tips
I received a generous rejection from an agent today. She gave me specific feedback on my manuscript and offered to read a revised version in the future. It was the best sort of rejection any creative could hope to get— more of a ‘maybe’ than a hard ‘no.’
I knew this, logically, but as it was still a rejection, I was also disappointed. In fact, my entire body flushed with embarrassment as I read her email. The reaction was visceral and involuntary. Thankfully, the feeling was also momentary.
Rejection happens if you’re putting yourself out there and feeling defensive and stung is expected. But how can writers learn from those rejections without becoming paralyzed by feelings of shame, embarrassment, and failure? How do we survive rejections?
1.) We realize that rejections are inevitable, but that they are also evidence of growth.
The only way to avoid rejection slips is not to submit our work or never to write at all. Rejection slips are evidence that we are writers, that we’re taking risks with our work and always improving.
“I love my rejection slips. They show me I try.” — Sylvia Plath
2.) We celebrate the ‘maybe’ and the happy ‘no.’
Form rejections are the pits, but they’re also the reality of overworked editors and agents. So if someone takes the time to respond to your submission personally, that’s a win! I call these my ‘maybe’ rejections or my ‘happy no’ rejections. I print them out, highlight the positives and tape them to my rejection wall. In the center of my wall is a lithograph of a running buffalo stuck full of arrows. The banner over the buffalo reads, “Don’t Give Up.” These rejections tell me I’m on the right track, even if I still have work to do!
“To ward off a feeling of failure, she joked that she could wallpaper her bathroom with rejection slips, which she chose not to see as messages to stop, but rather as tickets to the game.” — Anita Shreve
3.) We recognize that rejections aren’t personal.
I don’t know any human being who doesn’t take rejections personally, at least at first. The trick is to know this and allow ourselves to move past it. I often read a rejection and have to close my laptop. When the wave of discomfort lessens, I come back to the email and read it again. Or I have someone else I trust read it again for me. A little distance goes a long way in making rejection feel less personal, so we can really listen to what the rejection is trying to tell us and work to improve.
“I would advise anyone who aspires to a writing career, that before developing his talent, he would be wise to develop a thick hide.” — Harper Lee
4.) We see the big picture.
Remember where you were six months ago as a writer? How about a year ago? What about six years ago? Chances are that if you’ve been writing at all, then you’ve grown as a writer. Now imagine what’s possible in the next six months or six years. How about the next six minutes?
Almost as soon as I finished replying to the first rejection email, I got a second email. This one was from an editor who’d read one of my short stories. The editor was writing to say she’d enjoyed my story and passed it on for the second round of reviews. Hurray! It wasn’t a ‘yes,’ but it was a solid ‘maybe.’
So, two maybes in one day. Sometimes, you take what you can get. I printed out both emails, highlighted the positives and added them to my wall.
“Often, you have to fail as a writer before you write that bestselling novel or ground-breaking memoir. If you’re failing as a writer — which it definitely feels like when you’re struggling to write regularly or can’t seem to earn a living as a freelance writer — maybe you need to take a long-term perspective.” — J.K. Rowling
Rejection happens when we’re putting ourselves out there. We aren’t alone, and we aren’t failing. In fact, we’re just getting started. Good luck, and happy writing!
Christa Hogan is a creative fiction and non-fiction writer and veteran freelancer.
