The Burden of Writing Freedom

Why we don’t feel comfortable writing what we want

A freelance writer has to get into all kinds of topics and write different stories. Not all of them are to our liking. We’d rather write fiction than another boring blog post on crypto mining or artificial intelligence.

Or we think we rather would.

I’ve been writing texts for other blogs, websites, or editorials for quite a long while. One day, I got tired of building someone else’s legacy and decided to get into my own creative work. That was until I realized I can’t.

For that other guy, I could write two long posts on a daily basis. I would think of the topic, do research, write a post about something I had no idea of only a few hours ago. For all the surprise of mine, that piece would even become popular and pretty damn well liked.

For my own blog, I could not pour a word out of me. Hours of research didn’t help. Reading the books of the writers who inspire me was not of much use either. I just couldn’t bring myself to write what I’m passionate about. And I still struggle with it, however much I try.

The torture of trying to write something for me lasted for a long while. I started one draft, never finished it, moved on to the next one, and none of those seemed worthwhile.

Eager to understand what’s happening and why I can still write with ease when it’s for someone else and not even remotely so for myself, I started looking for reasons that stop my creative juices. Here are some thoughts on the matter.

1. Bearing the responsibility

Whenever I would write a post for another guy under his very own name, the thought would crawl to the back of my mind: “What if the post becomes very popular and no one will know I’ve written it?”. It made me sad so I decided to write my own posts so that I can bear the fruits of their popularity.

However, I didn’t yet see another threat coming. After I started writing for myself, I constantly thought that my pieces are not worthy to bear my name. What I was writing seemed like a folly at least, and I stopped to do so. The drafts remained not only not published but very well not finished.

Responsibility was the first bump on the road and I crashed on it right away. But it was not the only one.

2. Writing for myself feels as procrastination

Whenever I wrote something for the guy I worked with, it was work. It felt like work. This work was never pleasant but it needed to be done. I knew it.

When I just started writing about something I’m passionate about, not only it felt like I’m not working at all — there was even guilt. I had my friends and family who were all working, handling communication processes, writing posts for small and big companies. Compared to them, I felt guilty writing just something for myself that I’m not going to be paid for and having the nerve to call it work.

Perhaps I just need a real job, I’d think.

3. Writing for myself lacked purpose.

I didn’t know why I was doing it.

When an author writes a novel, a song, or a blog post, he has hope that this thing will be life-changing. I would hope for my posts to lift someone’s spirits, inspire others to be the better versions of themselves.

The reality was bitter, obviously. Not only people didn’t seem all that inspired by my posts, as much as getting someone to read it was already a piece of work. I had to start Facebook ads, basically, drag people to pay some bit of attention to the post, or send out pitches and have them rejected.

Earlier, I did the same for my clients. I didn’t take it personally though because they were not me. And now, I have to do the same thing for myself, and every rejection hurt more than a dozen of those before.

4. Struggling with a topic

Writing for an editorial, a company, or with any other commercial purpose, you are limited to a specific topic, style, and tone of writing. That is very annoying, don’t take me wrong. However, at some point, it also gets extremely helpful because you are given a direction for the train of thoughts.

As an independent writer, you’ve got literally no limitations. Write about the latest soccer game on one day, artificial intelligence breakthroughs another time, and later about the endgame theories in Game of Thrones. No one will say a word of rejection.

For that reason, the mere choice of topic becomes a challenge — nothing seems good, interesting, or compelling enough. The day comes to its end — and you stare hopelessly at the blank page again.

Those were all the roadblocks I faced starting out as an independent writer. Honestly, a lot of them bother me now as well. However, step by step I learned how to deal with those bumps. If you struggle with the same things, I’m spilling the tea for you.

1. Think about the end game

To my mind, the worst writing is the purposeless one. For that reason, when you want to write something, start from the end. Before you as much as make an outline, consider the following:

• Where do you want the post to be published?
• How will you promote it?
• What kind of readership will it attract?
• What will you do with all of those people?

It helps a lot because while I might be prone to a temptation of writing about Belgium-France soccer game in the World Cup, I also know that my readership is interesting in writing so I unless the post has something to say on that front, it has no point.

Knowing what publication and type of audience you are writing for helps a great deal if you’re lost in topics and drowning in all the freedom.

2. Approach it like work

So the problem is we don’t treat independent writing like work. The solution to that one is simple — make it into work. Set goals same ways you do at the office. Establish working hours and, during those hours, just be present.

Set a deadline for each post you give out to the Web. The easiest way to do it is to make a social media announcement. Even if you have but a handful of friends on Facebook, when the word is said and a few people know about that, you have to stick to your guns.

3. Take a pseudonym

If you are like me and have trouble bearing the responsibility of putting your name on your writing, not do it then. Take a pseudonym and use it to write. That was exactly the way I started — though at that time I was an immature 14-year old writer simply not ready to face the criticism with my name on it.

4. Find the purpose

We struggle a great deal when there isn’t an obvious answer to why we do the things we are into. Little things in life can be done with no purpose or drive — walking, talking, sleeping. But when something big is at stakes — and commitment writing is a huge challenge to take upon — there has to be a bigger purpose.

However, who said that your goal should be so global and life-changing? Myself, I put strong pressure on my writing when I hoped for every piece to be a revelation. I realized that I’m not going to get anywhere if I keep at this pace. So I came up with new goals — personal and little.

Here are the goals of my writing is aimed at the moment:

• Write 300 articles (this aligns with the rule of 300 — do something for 300 times to be noticed for it)
• Pitch to 50 Medium publications;
• Get 100 Medium followers.

If I overdo those, I’m going to be happy about it a great deal. If something doesn’t work out — well, the goals were not so life-changing in the first place.

I don’t really think it’s a complete list of struggles one can face as an independent writer. If there’s anything else that prevents you from pouring your thoughts on paper, write it down in comments.

However, the thing also is, as much as we struggle writing something we are passionate about, as hard as it can be, all the trouble is still worth the gain. I’ve noticed that there’s hardly another way to improve your writing style than writing about the thing you love most.

For that, let’s keep on with fight and stick to creative struggle. Get on writing, and may the force be with you!