Bittersweet Nostalgia
My earliest memory is of a big garden with a white glider swing right in its center. My early years were spent playing in that huge haven. I was a mere five or six-year-old; and being there has always made me feel so small. But it was fun because I had my friends.
Like children often do, we made up stories about the statues decorating the far end of that garden. The older ones insisted that they heard the dwarf statues talk once. The littler ones (including me), trusting and naïve, fell right into their trick. Scared out of our wits, we never dared to walk around the perimeter of the garden by ourselves. But despite that, it was one of the fondest memories I have. Oh to be a child, believing every mystical story heard, running around the garden without care, picking flowers to make into necklaces, pretend playing we were kings, queens, princes, and princesses.
The garden was a favorite venue for special occasions, too. It was where I had my first and seventh birthday. We would dress up, and the little tots would be allowed to stay up later than usual, and we could eat all the ice cream that we wanted; it was every child’s dream. At night, the place looked more ethereal, other-worldly. Lights were thrown around the bushes, looking like tiny fairies dancing into the night. Lanterns were hung on the trees, illuminating the surroundings. The sky stretched above us, and the stars were witnesses to the best moments of my life.
Soon enough I grew up. Life happened and we had to leave that house; I never got to see that magical garden again. But in my mind, years and even decades later, I know it will remain sketched clearly in my mind- along with the people and the memories we made together. That was my Orange Island. But those memories that always leave a soft smile on my face, unfortunately, are the same memories that shoot a dull pain in my heart.
These are the feelings the song Eight has left me.
We traverse this earth and we connect with people. We make memories, both pleasant and (sometimes) horrific. But before we know it, the people are gone, and the places where we meet them, are never visited again. It makes attachment painful. It makes loving scary.
Everything/everyone comes as they please, but then leaves without bid.
If it’s going to be like this, then I don’t want to love anymore.
Losing people, losing feelings, losing anything that has taken root in our hearts, can leave a scar that could take years to heal. This is how some people end up building walls, the fear of being separated from something precious consuming them. To a lesser extreme, some compensate for the loss by reminiscing. They escape from the present, to a time they want to go back to, to a time where heartbreaks did not exist. Then they would fondly think, “Why am I stuck in the present, when all I want is to get stuck in the past when life was a lot simpler?”
Under the orange sun, we dance together, without our shadows.
There is no impending farewell. Let’s meet in that beautiful memory.
Like snowflakes that are made unique by its journey from the clouds to the earth, all of us have our own unique orange islands; A time and place that holds our life’s most golden memories. A time and place that is so nostalgic, we won’t mind getting stuck in it forever. For me, it was that magical garden.
For some, it’s your youth. Your teenage years is a time of discovery and exploration. It is the age where the spark of passion ignites. You discover the things you are good at and pursue them. It is often a time of conflict with the elders because you have started yearning for freedom and independence. You are curious, you are young, you are full of energy. So you become reckless and you make mistakes. But years in the future, they become the foundation of who you are to become. And you laugh about the memories, with a tiny shake of your head. You find it unbelievable how much you have changed since.
For some others still, it’s your 20s. Ah, sweet independence. You start a fresh new chapter, experience your first job, and expand your social circles. You have the whole world in front of you, a blank canvass awaiting the strokes of adventure to fill it with color. You have the same curiosity and energy of your teenage years, but you are wiser and freer.
On that note, I would like to add that people who are in their 20s to 30s usually discover a whole new aspect of themselves at this time. And this stage is where many of us hit the reset button, due to this phenomena more commonly known as the quarter life crisis. We start questioning the direction of our lives, and wonder if it’s really what we want. It’s a mind-blowing crisis that often leaves a person anxious and confused. We can’t help but feel like we’re facing a dead end. So we revert to a place that offers peace and calm, yes, back to the Orange Island.
The thing with memories, is that they never change. In a world where people and circumstances change every day, having something constant to hold on to, can be a source of great comfort. So when times get tough, we find ourselves yearning for our Orange Islands.
In that euphoric place, time is eternal. The magic it holds is preserved for as long as that memory lives in your mind. In that euphoric place, you hold the power. You can choose where the memory will begin and where it will end. You can cut away the part where the pain starts, and indulge in the loop of delightful moments and conversations, again and again and again.
We pillow our heads on each other
And share stories that are not sad
There is no such thing like a blue ending
source
This bittersweet taste of nostalgia is what saves most of us most days. It is bitter to see something that you can never have again, but it is sweet because it was your reality, once upon a time. And in our short time here on Earth, having these small tokens of happiness and having the ability to retell them and claim them as proof of our existence, is what makes living worthwhile.
Yes, everything inevitably changes, whether we are prepared for it or not. These happy memories may just be temporary, but that means the tough times are temporary too! We may feel helpless and stuck right now, but this season will pass too. While we wait, let’s do our best to cherish what we can from the present. Whether it’s your time of rest, productivity, chance to reconnect with family — make it purposeful.
We live for the memories. We live for the small moments that would make us look back and smile. As much as we want to live vicariously in the glory of our past selves, why not continue to live in the present and strive to make our tiny Orange Island, into a bigger country of blissful memories.
