I can only imagine how it felt for BTS — seven years into their career — to suddenly halt their nonstop schedules while preparations for their world tour were at the climax. It had to be like slamming on the breaks in the middle of an intersection: confusing, anxiety-inducing, and leaving the uneasy feeling of “what now?” the second the car actually stops.
On many levels, I can relate. Simply put, the pandemic forced me, a self-professed workaholic, to cope with sudden endless free time while balancing my mental health. Many ARMY around the world found themselves in similar situations, or still do, as when the pandemic began. It’s a difficult adjustment period for the people whose gears never stop turning.
The members attempt to describe this in Dis-ease, j-hope’s creation that allowed fans a rare glimpse into the darker crevices of his mind. Known for being as upbeat and hopeful as his name implies, j-hope discussed wanting to address how he had avoided admitting to himself and others that he was deeply tied to his work in ways that bore a mental strain on his well being:
“‘… I think I was just avoiding my work-related problems rather than facing them head on. The nice thing about music is that I can say what’s on my mind, even feeling of sadness or depression, in beautiful ways. I don’t usually express those feelings but this time I wanted to try.’”.¹
BTS have addressed mental health and societal pressures in several of their group and solo projects; but Dis-ease is layered with meaning specific to the COVID-19 pandemic. While the members discuss overworking themselves to the point they no longer know how to truly rest, they also know this is unlikely to change as they are simply determined people. Instead, they need to stop focusing on the sudden shift the pandemic has brought, and focus on knowing that things will return to a new kind of normal eventually.
I feel like I missed something
With a sip of coffee, I swallow down my uneasiness
An endless rest
The uncomfortable happiness that has come to me suddenly
24 hours, I have so much time
Even if I sleep all day long, there’s no problem now
It feels like I should be doing something to the point my body shatters,
but I’m just a bastard who eats all three meals a day
My sin is being a dog that bites its resting self
Even though I try shouting “Don’t do that,” it’s strangling itself over accomplishments
Errday do ma thang, damn if I fail
It keeps growling, I tap the rotten rope
It feels insecure, this is a disease
Material things are a stun that my career gives me²
j-hope opens the song with a verse that describes finding himself free from work and not feeling relief, but instead with an itch to work again. He feels an emptiness upon waking up with nothing to do when he would normally be working himself to the bone. All around the globe, the start of the pandemic hit many in the same way. While some finally found relief in being able to rest easily, j-hope acknowledges he is one of the minority that is more restless than ever. In a way, this trait is what prompted the album, BE, as the members felt the need to keep themselves connected to fans they could no longer see on tour.
In an interview for Weverse magazine following the album release, j-hope discussed his inspiration for this track:
“Work is kind of an ugly duckling. Work gives me good energy but there’s energy you get from resting. But someone like me feels alive when they’re working, so I need to keep moving and keep doing. I feel anxious when I stop and content when I go. Every once in a while I don’t want to work, but I can’t not work.”¹
With this newfound free time, he contemplated his greatest problem; he is unhappy not working and that is somehow worse than being exhausted from overworking. By using the metaphor of a dog that bites itself, he describes himself as his own undoing or cause of anxiety. This metaphor is relatable for many who struggle with mental illness.
Maybe
It’s because I’m sick,
it’s because I think too much
I hate that
My childish self who is unable to keep things simple
I’m actually so young, only my body has grown
I limp through the walk of life
One for the laugh, two for the show
Just like I’m so fine²
The pre-chorus finds Jung Kook, Jimin, V, and Jin repeating that their surface personas easily brush off how exhausting their occupation is at times as they continue to push themselves. The phrase “grin and bear it” comes to mind when reading the hook. Underneath this facade, the members are wracked with guilt that they feel this desire to overwork themselves.
Everyday, I comfort myself
We’re all just same humans, ain’t so special
Ay man keep one, two step
Let’s all keep calm and treat the diseases
My disease,
dis-dis-dis-dis-disease
Throw away the fear,
fe-fe-fe-fe-fear²
While these feelings are genuine, BTS go on to remind themselves that this is a struggle of human nature and they are not alone. By doing so, they are connecting themselves to ARMY who may feel the same way, especially during a pandemic that created insecurities and fear over the abrupt changes occurring worldwide. This connection allows the two groups to gather the courage to try and overcome these insecurities.
Even your mind needs a vacation
Hey, just do work as work
I’m ill, yeah, I’m work itself
The friend who’s called “rest,” oh I never liked him
How much money do you have to earn to be happy?
This glass-like disease hits your head
I’m confused whether it’s the world or me who’s diseased
Even when I take off my glasses, the darkness doesn’t get blurred
Whatever label gets attached to this time,
I sincerely hope that it’s all you
Your you, you²
In his verse, RM describes the mental toll his job brings to his life and the need to step back at times. He uses wordplay with ill and 일, pronounced ill, which means both ‘work’ and ‘one.’ Through this, he states that while he is at the top, he is also sick with work. The route to success is a tiring one that easily becomes all-consuming, and no matter the success, the material benefits are not fulfilling. It is at this point that the second wordplay for the title, 병, comes into play. Meaning both ‘disease’ and ‘bottle,’ he combines the two to create a new line describing his discomfort with his current state of mind. The duality of the tracks English title is also worth mentioning at this point, with Dis-ease referencing a feeling of discomfort, while also simultaneously suggesting illness. RM criticises societal pressures creating a culture focused on work and wonders how much of this was really of his own volition from the beginning.
Everyone has lots of diseases
What confuses me is
that human nature is evil and ugly
There are more than 400 different diseases of the mind out there
There shouldn’t be that many who don’t fit into any of those
Yo, is it the world or me who’s diseased
Would it be simply the difference in interpretations
Would that be all
I don’t know, to change someone —
faster than that is for me to change²
Beginning to tie it all together, Suga puts the rest of the song into greater focus and perspective. He discusses how mental illness affects many people in various ways, but the lines double in questioning how much strain is being forced on people due to the productivity-driven culture that we find ourselves a part of. It becomes more clear to him, with the pandemic forcing them to come to terms with being unproductive during this time, that society is creating some of this ‘disease’ or unease at being forced to halt working.
(Sick & tired)
But I don’t wanna mess up
Cause life goes on
(Through the fire)
I’ll walk it, in my style, woah
(Walk it, walk it, walk it)
When the night comes, I’d close my eyes
(Walk it, walk it, walk it)
and believe in myself that I used to know²
In referencing the title of the album, BTS come full circle in acknowledging that there is little they can do due to the pandemic. They have to accept it and know that it will pass eventually, just as they have to accept that who they are is a group of driven, hard workers. In both instances, they have to come to terms with the struggle and trust themselves.
Hey, wake up one more time
It’s morning again, we have to live through this day
Let’s go, one more night
We don’t know what’ll be waiting for us at the end of this, ayy
There’s no eternal night
I’ve become stronger
Fireworks are bursting
I will never fade away
Everyday, I comfort myself
We’re all just same humans, ain’t so special
Ay man keep one, two step
Let’s all keep calm and treat the diseases²
The bridge is both a straightforward resolution to BTS’ inner turmoil regarding work and the grander allusion to the pandemic. The narrative shows the members beginning to fight back against whatever is ailing them. This can be interpreted as their inner fears that they hold and the pandemic itself that they are facing. They realize that they are tired of letting fear consume them and vow to become stronger. Once again they include ARMY in this by explaining that this fear is natural, but it can be overcome. Instead, they can focus on one day at a time even if the struggles they face feel like they will last forever.
This message is strengthened by referencing Make It Right and Spring Day, both of which discuss dark periods, or what feels like an ‘eternal night’ in life will ultimately pass. BTS know that both they and ARMY are going to get through what they are experiencing together. Regardless of which struggle is being focused on, BTS will come back shining for their fans.
In this way, Dis-ease is one of the group’s most clever songs. It layers the fear of burnout caused by excessive work against the burnout faced during a pandemic. The very thing that caused their relief is also causing their unease, and the track questions whether that in itself is the real disease. Through this, they are able to discuss the importance of mental health, societal pressures, and current events against an instrumental that brings them full circle to their beginnings in hip hop.
References
- Kang, M. (2020, November 24) j-hope: “Even just one, single love is beautiful, but we’re getting love from all over the world”. https://magazine.weverse.io/article/view?num=57&lang=en
- BTS. (2020).병 [Song]. On BE. Big Hit Entertainment.; Doolset Bangtan. (2020). 병 (Dis-ease). https://doolsetbangtan.wordpress.com/2020/11/20/dis-ease/
