6 Ways To Beat Writers Block

Hear ye, hear ye, read these words of wisdom given to you for a clear fee: ZERO DOLLARS. That’s right, these six steps to writing heaven will cost you nothing, and earn you a fortune of fun. Let’s begin!

1. Go Outside

Give yourself a tour of the great outdoors to no where in particular. Who knows what the world might have in store for you? When you return from journeying the ferns, sit back and wonder what you learned. Was it nothing? If so, get back out there and add another venture to the day!

2. Drink Water

Be it a cup, bottle, or fountain; drink that water no matter what it was found in. Sipping H2O is a great way to get the writing gods to grant you a revelation. With a drowning stomach due to water consumption, lay those fingers on the keyboard and type away with gumption.

3. Snort Cocaine

Cut a line of Santa’s dandruff and sniff your way to finally finishing a fine piece of writing. You can’t spell “I can” without cocaine, which scientifically proves that it‘s the medicine for getting shit done. Put a bit of flour’s dirty cousin in your sinus and live a happy life minus the struggle of writers block.

4. Return Outside

Even if you learned a few things on the first go around, hitting the town with a heart full of fun fueld by drugs is a dandy way to demand inspiration. With a new perspective and a lot of energy, you’ll have a novel in your head before you can say “I should do more cocaine!”

5. Obtain Bycicle

Aren’t you sick of the vicious cycle of not having a bike? Whether it’s a store, or manipulating a child, you gotta get yourself a bike. Ride that bike like Putin on a horse and watch the writers block begone, like Putin’s shirt when he‘s on a horse.

6. Write

Write like you’re in a fight for a life. (Yours or someone else’s, whichever you’d work harder for.) Take a deep breath and then brain vomit your thoughts onto your writing apparatus. Still unable to beat the block of writers? Definitely do more cocaine. That’ll do it.