8 rich guys have more money than half us plebs will ever see

The gap between the super rich and the poor is now officially wider than ever. Wider than the grand canyon. Wider than the tense, empty space growing between you and your husband of twenty years after you find out he’s been seeing the gardener behind your back, but feel unable to confront him about it, so you just seethe in silent resentment. That wide.

According to a new report from Oxfam, last year’s data, which brought us the astounding discovery that 62 of the richest people in the world were worth the same as the poorest half combined, is dead wrong.

In fact, it’s much worse than that.

Updated data shows that between them, the world’s 8 richest men are as wealthy as the poorest half of the population combined. Those men are:

1. Bill Gates

Super-mega rich Microsoft guy, just wants you to do your best, worth US$75 billion (AU$99.25 billion)

A.K.A: Mr Steal Yo’ Girl

2. Amancio Ortega

Owner of Zara and noted hermit, would buy your silence for $8,000 per month, worth US$67 billion (AU$88.66 billion)

“How will I possibly spend all this money?”

3. Warren Buffet

Guy every personal finance blogger thinks they will be someday, worth US$60.8 billion (AU$80.46 billion)

“Wait, you’re a billionaire?” “What, like it’s hard?”

4. Carlos Slim Helu

Massively rich business magnate (not to be confused with Fatboy Slim) worth US$50 billion (AU$66.16 billion)

“Don’t even try it. I’m rich enough to buy you, and the next three generations of your family.”

5. Jeff Bezos

Father of Amazon.com and enabler of midnight impulse shoppers everywhere, worth US$45.2 billion (AU$59.81 billion)

“Yes, you absolutely need bagpipes and you need 2-day shipping.”

6. Mark Zuckerberg

Coding prodigy, teller of Dad Jokes, worth US$44.6 billion (AU$59.02 billion)

“So the zebra says… guys? Are you listening? This one’s really funny I promise.”

7. Larry Ellison

Chairman of Oracle, into yachts, probably spends too long trimming his facial hair each day, worth US$43.6 billion (AU$57.69 billion)

“Never speak to me, or my facial hair ever again.”

8. Michael Bloomberg

Finance nerd, can and will pay you out in morse code, worth US$40 billion (AU$52.93 billion)

“● — ●● — — — ● — ●● / — ● ● ● — ● — ●●”

Remember those names for when the pitchforks come out.

In Australia, the top 1% have as much wealth as the bottom 70%. That’s like me sharing a packet of Tim Tams by taking five for myself and telling 70 of my closest friends to split the other five.

(Which, ok, isn’t that unrealistic when it comes to Tim Tams.)

Without naming any names — coughGineRineheart&HarryTrigguboffcough* — Oxfam also pointed out that the two richest billionaires in Australia are worth US$16 billion (AU$21 billion), which is more than the bottom 20% of Aussies combined.

On the back of Australia’s Centrelink debacle and with Trump breathing his questionable economic policy down all our necks, now seems like a pretty opportune moment to start addressing the blindingly obvious inequalities in our economic system.

Doing money the Donald Trump way

So how do we close the gap? Well, Oxfam’s suggestions largely boiled down to this: Billionaires of the world, pay your damn taxes.

NOTE: Quotes attributed to individuals in this blog are pure fabrication. No need for any billionaires to sue any anonymous personal finance bloggers.

She’sOnTheMoney blogs over at Mozo.com.au, where you can check out the rest of her stuff.