8 Things Every Person Who Wins the Lottery Should Do Before 8 A.M.
Everyone has been chiming in these days on what to do if you win this 1.5 billion dollar Powerball lottery. Keep in mind, that is 1,500,000,000 dollars.
That’s a whole lot of zeros. In fact, I’m counting at least eight zeroes. Probably even more! Wowzers. But what should you really do every morning if you win the lottery? Well, let’s get this listicle started.
1. Write a Medium post about how to be as successful as you are.
You’ve finally made it! You’re a billionaire now. But now it’s time that you share your knowledge of how we can be just as successful as you! Every morning you can wake up, pop open your laptop, and throw a few words onto Medium: “All it takes is hard work a lot of sleep, and a little luck.”
What will this do for you? Well, you will probably get a bunch of “recommends”, and it will stroke your ego, which always feels good. And you probably won’t know what to do with your time now that you suddenly have so much, so why not fill it with writing some life advice that is always clear in hindsight, but hardly applicable going forward?
2. Pay a monk to meditate for you.
The sudden bequeathment of this large sum of moolah will leave you very stressed out. Hundreds of people who you vaguely associated with as acquaintances are messaging you, texting you, and emailing you asking for favors. And not just small favors either; suddenly that guy who mowed your lawn one time really needs a brand-new Cadillac, your uncle decided he has cancer but needs a cash-only deposit of $100,000 to pay the bill, and your dog has been eyeing a real fancy suit lately.
Anxiety inducing? Certainly. Which is why you can pay for a monk to come to your house and meditate for you! You’re too much of an emotional wreck to properly meditate, so having someone do it for you really alleviates the additional burden of having to meditate yourself.
3. Purchase many exotic animals.
If it is 8 A.M. and you haven’t purchased at least one exotic animal, you can consider your whole day a failure. With 1.5 billion dollars, you can get yourself one of these babies:
And definitely one of these lean, mean, green-eating machines:
Tyrannosaurus Rex step aside, because you’re purchasing TEN of these:
4. Recycle the money you have on hand.
What happens to the majority of money when you spend it? It probably goes into the trash and pollutes the environment in landfills. When you have so much money, do your part, and make sure to put all of your cash on hand into the recycling bin instead of the trash.
If you must spend it, ask for the cashier to give you the money back after you have purchased your item, so that you can reuse it later.
Reduce, reuse, recycle.
5. Take a shower in your money.
While studies show that a cold shower in the morning can make you feel good, bathing in heaps of your own cash has been proven to make you feel even better. Watch out though! Those papercuts can sting.
6. Watch a video of someone giving money to an impoverished child.
It is often stated that someone who has too much money can become too self-centered, and as a result, spends all of their time naval-gazing. You can avoid this by watching someone else give money to an impoverished child in dire straits. Doing this every day will help you see the big picture, and really keep things in perspective.
7. Repeatedly announce that you are giving away one billion dollars to charity.
Giving money to help others makes people feel good, but you know what makes people feel even better? Letting everyone around them know that they’re giving their money to charity.
Don’t do this for anyone else; do it for you. Go on Facebook every morning, and let everyone know in exorbitant detail that you are donating one billion dollars to charity, and what you hope the money will be used for.
Of course, don’t actually donate your money. That’d be crazy! Just excessively and repeatedly announce to everyone that you are donating it.
8. Snort a kilogram of cocaine.
Because life is short ~
