Amidst Lousy Job Market, Degree “still worth it” after 500+ Likes on Graduation Photo
Krista Hogan deletes the e-mail she just finished reading, walks dejectedly away from her laptop and slumps down on her bed.
Rejection.
Another notice that she didn’t impress in the interview process and the position she barely wanted anyway (having long since struck out in applying for the 4 or 5 jobs she was enthusiastic about) has been awarded to another candidate. It’s a familiar pang and one that never gets easier despite how used to it Hogan has become. Like so many of her classmates and compatriots nation-wide, it’s a way of life for a graduate in the later part of this decade.
Something odd happens though, something that one would never anticipate given the ever-tightening noose metaphorically constricting around this 20-something’s neck as she continues to battle against a job market which is constricting just as quickly.
A smile creeps over her face. Endorphins gallop down the highways of neurons sprawled through her brain just as the packets of information rocket from the Instagram servers through to the iPhone she can barely afford anymore.
She’s done it. Krista has cracked half a thousand likes on the photo she uploaded to Instagram moments after she graduated.
The ever present weight pressing down on her shoulders seems to instantly vanish and the frisson engulfs her body like wildfire, shooting all the way down to the last toe on each foot. Instantly her worry is no more and her attention turns into a frenzy of deduction and critical analysis (finally, a place to employ the skills she has spent the better part of 6 years learning). What was the key to all these likes? How can this formula be carried forward to ensure they continue to trend upwards in future posts?
An amateur would first turn to the timing of the post. Hogan, however, is no amateur. “Don’t waste your time trying to time a post. Remember when Instagram made the decision to re-order people’s feeds from a purely chronological timeline to an algorithm-driven stream? Whilst the rest of the ‘gram world spent their time whinging, I worked. I enlisted the help of a guy from the Australian Federal Police’s cyber-crime unit [who ordinarily use their high level mathematical abilities to fight terror] and he had that “secret” algorithm cracked in a day. To put it simply, when you’re as insta-famous as I am, and thanks to this new algorithm, you stay in the feed for so long that the timing of your post is largely irrelevant.”
The secret, then? Emojis. “It’s important to understand that any text in a caption other than a wankerish ‘catch ya’ or an obnoxious rhetorical question like ‘how’s your Friday looking?’ are a huge no-no these days. It’s all about emojis. A simple string of emojis is the only way to go these days,” says Hogan. “Naturally you whack in a cheeky ‘tick’ to show that I’m ticking something off, get that cheeky monkey up in there (it’s a good fit for absolutely everything), those weird celebration hands that don’t symbolise any real life action and of course, some fireworks and a drink to make sure people know what it’s time for…”
Hogan’s face fell. Initially looking puzzled, she rips the phone out of my hands and frantically pulls up Instagram, not even stopping to savour the 5 new likes she’s received. A couple of exasperated expletives later her fears are confirmed and she manages to explain to me what the fuss is about. She forgot the clink-drink emoji 🍻. Slumped back in her chair, it seems like the harsh, jobless reality is slowly sinking back in with more ferocity than any 500-like mental shield could hope to withstand. This will surely cause a re-evaluation of her projected likes.
Although re-uploading is out of the question given that it would mean she loses those likes and would have to start from scratch, the aspiring lawyer tells me that being caught in the act of re-uploading is a fate worse than death and is strictly against her own moral code regardless.
As she continues to explain the hopelessness of the job hunt for her and her fellow graduates I ask the bright, bubbly former student what her plan is from here. Would she be able to continue to manage her unemployment despite the worsening job market? Her response was encouraging.
“Don’t worry about me,” she smiled. “I hashtagged intelligently and earned 23 new followers from this picture alone. I’m not down for the count just yet.”
It certainly doesn’t seem that way.
Editor’s note. Krista has since informed us that the likes seem to have finished on this post with the final count at 586. As a condition of granting this interview with Hogan, the author was obliged to like the post in question and follow her on Instagram.
