An Open Letter to D.C. Protestors

Dear incompetent hoodlums,

What is the matter with you? Honestly, what are you even protesting?

This is garbage.

Every four years, about half of Americans wish someone else standing on the steps of the Capitol taking the oath of office. Yet, 99% of them watch with pride as power is peacefully transferred from one President to the next. This is a special day, a day that we set partisanship aside and join hands as Americans in common hope for a more perfect union.

This day is not about you and your grievances, you selfish losers. Today is about America. You closed off one street. You’re not even good at it. The world is watching and you embarrass us all. There will be plenty of time for protest, disagreement, and partisan division. But, not today.

Sincerely,

Literally everyone else