BUCKLE THE FUCK UP & Do NOT forget…

You said, “Bring it on.”

You also said:

“We know that females do NOT like sex.”

Hmmm, is there a mouse in your pocket? Who is ‘we?’ If you are including me in your we — you are incorrect. In the first place, I cannot presume to know what “FEMALES” like or do not like on the whole, but since you lumped all of us in the same bucket, I CAN very directly tell you that is not the case. Let me help you with your accuracy:

“We know that females do NOT like sex with Pat Riarchy.”

And since you’ve double entendre’d your own name, it actually works, fits snuggly and is more accurate than your original pitiful attempt to hurt other men who work really hard to love women in a way that makes them want to beg for it, makes them scream in the night…

Do NOT talk shit about Mr. Cyborg again.

He works me over every chance he gets and I love every minute of it. He works hard to know where to touch me, how and when. His priority is making ME feel good and he has no interest in being with me sexually when I am not in the mood — a very rare occasion. I am laughing right now because I don’t write about how much I love fucking Mr. Cyborg very often — it’s a pretty personal matter, but when I get to talking about it, I damn near can’t shut up.

It feels so good to be taken into his loving, protective, sexy (OMG) commanding and respectful arms that I imagine I am more akin to a teenage boy who just discovered tissues and vaseline than a woman when I am in that frame of mind.

Just because you aren’t Mr. Cyborg doesn’t mean ‘females do not like sex.’ I’m sure they just don’t like sex with men who don’t know how to be like Mr. Cyborg. What is so stupid about this statement is that you think you are insulting females.

You’re not. You are insulting men who know their way around a clit and how to use their dick for good instead of using it to type on Medium. Is that why you copy / paste this same bullshit everywhere? Who taught you how to work the copy / paste function with your lack luster boy parts anyway?

You ALSO said:

“53% of females regard sex as a chore.”

But it is more accurate to say,

“100% of females regard sex with Pat Riarchy as something they would never want to do.”

There. I fixed it. I think this interaction with me might actually pay off for you after all. I am being helpful by making up my own statistics in response to your sour grapes with numbers and a % sign behind them.

You ARE Welcome.

You then said:

“57% of females expect to be paid for sex.”

I might refrain from explaining what I think you are trying to actually say here… Let me think about it. NOPE, I think I will go on ahead and use my “troll translator” anyway… Here’s what you actually mean —

“I, Pat Riarchy, cannot get laid unless I pay for it. I take this information I have about myself and apply it to all men. I think I am being hurtful towards women, but I am really emasculating my fellow man. I am also going to get angry and butthurt when the Cyborg I foolishly tried to engage with this complete and utter bullshit emasculates me while she defends their honor.”

Remember the MRA guys I told you about before? Some of them have made similar claims, but I did not give them the lashing I am about to give you. Why? Because it wasn’t framed up so completely lacking in intelligence, self awareness and disrespect for other men. They don’t often realize it, but much of what they are upset about is just an impact they feel because of the patriarchal bullshit in this society that burdens them with unfair and unreasonable expectations, robs them of relationships with their children while asking them to support the women who left them. All of that anger, pain and upset is very real, valid and very much concerning for me because I actually give a shit about all human beings, not just females or a certain types of humans.

The reason you are so disgusting to me is that you don’t even get what you are saying about other men. I keep thinking about one particular guy on here that I spent a fair amount of time talking to and I know that man gets laid. I can tell and I promise you he isn’t paying for it either.

Relationships are about give and take. If your expectation is that you should not have to expend any energy, time and effort on the person you are trying to sleep with, you will find yourself with limited options. There’s no shame in that from my perspective but for fuck’s sake don’t act like every man in the world is limited in the same way you are. They aren’t.

You also said:

“85% of married females would rather eat chocolate or go shopping then make love with the man they ‘love.’”

I am no longer married. So I can’t speak to this from a “married woman’s” perspective anymore.

I can say from the perspective of someone who has been in a long term committed relationship with a man — Mr. Cyborg — I would not prefer shopping or chocolate over fucking him. It’s not exactly fair — I don’t know what is in 15% you don’t make bullshit statistics up about — I was in the top 15% of my graduating class, so maybe I am represented by the 15% you’ve left out.

Either way, some women don’t like chocolate or shopping. And I imagine some women who don’t like chocolate or shopping might also not like sex with their husbands. What do those women like to do instead?

LOL. You’re fucking stupid.

Here’s another dumbass thing you said:

“87% of females fake their orgasim(s).”

What you meant to say:

“100% of females when having sex with Pat Riarchy fake their orgasims because they are NICE people who want to spare his feelings.”

I don’t fake orgasims with Mr. Cyborg. I don’t have to… I have 5 not-faked orgasims at a minimum every time we are together and we worry a lot that one of the neighbors might call the police from all my screaming.

OMG, I wish he was here right now. YUMMM.

I digress… deliciously.

You need to shut the fuck up, alright? You don’t know what you are talking about at all. That stat may have said that at some point in their sexual history 87% of females faked at least one orgasim.

That is not the same thing as what you claim. You are only claiming it that way to make yourself feel better because you cannot satisfy a women. Don’t over lay that onto other men. It isn’t true for them. I feel sorry for you. Here’s an article that might help you on the off chance that you find yourself in a position to be sexually active with a human female and not a blow up doll: http://www.askmen.com/sex/female-orgasm.html

YOU ARE WELCOME.

And the finale for this episode will be about, you saying this:

“And most every female slut shames every other female.”

“most every” I don’t even know how to address this non-stat bullshit. I suppose all human beings have been judgmental at one point in their lifetime. Why you think this is such a revelation is beyond me.

The “every other female,” part of your sentence is highly problematic. I don’t know how any female would find the time to slut shame every other female. Unless you mean, we count off 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2… and only slut shame the ‘2's,’ even still I think it is highly unlikely that we would be able to coordinate such an organized attempt to live up to your bullshit rhetoric.

I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think it is probable that this is achievable given the shear magnitude of females to slut shame. Also, what would that be like logistically? I mean, if I am a 2 today, after another female reaches a certain age, do I then become a 1? Do I have to stop slut shaming while it is my turn to be slut shamed? Who is keeping track of all of this slut shaming? How do they track it? Excel? Access? SQL?

You are not prepared to continue this discussion with me. I will not get frustrated. You will not achieve your desired results. This is a fun game for me. I enjoy making fun of you. It is not a waste of my time or energy. It makes me a stronger writer. I’d rather practice, sharpen my tools on someone I don’t respect than on someone I do respect. I am a lioness, you a cat toy for me to bat at while I prepare for the real hunt.

I can do this for months. My claws need sharpening, my stealth needs tuning and I could use some cardio.

Keep on keeping on, motherfucker.

xoxo,

-Cyborg