Chick Flicks
or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Rom-Com
This story begins with a confession: this weekend I saw “La La Land,” and I loved it. It was incredible. Set in the contemptible, yet familiar social wasteland of present-day Hollywood, this gorgeous musical romance draws the audience in with the irresistible charm of a bygone era; paying clever homage to seemingly every classic film ever made. It has earned nearly unanimous praise from critics, swept the Golden Globes, and seems poised to do the same at the Oscars. And admitting that I went to see it of my own volition — hell, it was my idea — will likely cost me every man card I have left to my name.
Totally worth it.
We sensitive types must often strike a careful and deliberate balance when it comes to masculinity in the modern age. True, these terms may not be as antithetical as they were in the past — still they are not given equal merit, even by women, as any man who has consistently heard himself described as “sweet” can attest. My passionate acclaim for this film might have rendered my date wary, were we not in an established and committed relationship. Had it been our first outing, measured indifference would have been the card to play, lest I be met with feigned weariness, a curt “good night” and iphone silence in the days to follow.
So just how might the modern romantic expect to navigate this paradox? Perhaps we can look to the hero of our tale for clues. There’s no denying that Ryan Gosling is really, really (ridiculously) good-looking, but I maintain that his body of work (his body of work, ladies) has broad gender appeal, and for those that struggle to see it, I give you “Drive.” It’s safe to say though, it were not his roles in this or “The Place Beyond the Pines” that originally elevated his status among women — for that, we have “The Notebook” (another flick worthy of a few man cards.)
This is not to say that Mr. Gosling’s tougher characters don’t appeal to women. Like many heartthrobs before him — Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jude Law, to name a few — he has compiled a résumé that exudes complexity, depth, and at times, darkness. And this, gentlemen, is an irresistible blend of which our female cohorts have been acutely aware, ever since they wore out their VHS copies of “Dirty Dancing” (mark your calendars for the 30th Anniversary release at the end of this month.)
So what does this mean to a generation of men that have allegedly forgotten how to get our hands dirty? If you find you’re running a man card deficit, it might be time to hit the gym, fix a faucet, or at least try a hobby that will put some callus’ on your hands (Thanks John Markowski)
If you heed John’s wisdom you’ll realize that the contemporary notion of masculinity allows us to operate within a much broader scope than that given to our forebears. Additionally, I suggest you assign greater authority to female opinions on the matter. You should not sport a man bun, and if you have grey hair, don’t dye it — women think grey is sexy. Listen to early jazz and learn to cook something French, preferably with an ingredient that requires that you gut it first. Rough yourself up a bit, just don’t over do it.
Men today may face a dilemma in which they feel they have effectively established masculine credentials; however, their understanding of the term may have been misaligned due to the expanding scourge of “bromanity.” Masculinity or quite simply, “manliness,” is no longer synonymous with the misogyny and inequity of the Mad Men era — we can leave those detestable traits to the bros. But for all their unforgivable flaws, Don Draper and his ilk were certainly manly, due in part to the fact that they knew how to dress like grown-ups. Gentlemen, ladies know the difference between a sport coat and a suit jacket, and it’s imperative that we do as well. Cash in another man card, and peruse Pinterest (seriously) for incontrovertible evidence as to how women really feel about a guy in a suit — and use your newfound sense of style to update those Tinder photos; better yet, ask a woman out in person. In any case, be sure to reference Stella J. and her sage advice on the subject of dating apps.
For a male population whose exposure to complex romance was limited to Gambit and Rogue, it will be valuable to do some research. Most guys read the Great Gatsby under duress in high school, and of course we didn’t get it at the time — but the girls certainly did. Being well-read is a reliable path toward developing depth of character, but it takes time. For a crash-course in what makes women tick, we return to the formative thesis of this piece: Chick flicks.
It’s understandable to want to proceed with caution at this point. If you’re entirely new to the genre, I recommend “Bridesmaids” as a gateway flick. It’s like the “Hangover,” but for women. You’re likely to squirm during the nearly unbearable Wilson-Phillips sing-along, but stay the course and you’ll soon be ready for “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Bradley Cooper is there to help us make the transition, playing (surprise) an asshole. It also combines the mesmerizing talents of Ms. Aniston, Ms. Barrymore, and Ms. Connelly in a sort of “beauties of Gen X” trifecta.
This journey is not without peril; we can be forgiven for avoiding “Sex and the City” altogether. There’s a veritable trove of knowledge in those volumes, but even the most studied sentimentalist might not survive the trek without losing his mind. Similarly, “50 Shades of Grey” is likely to steer you wildly off-course. The allure that book/film holds for women is bizarre, high-level stuff, and probably too abstract for the male brain. Play it safe; take in “Sixteen Candles” and “Say Anything,” and for a touch of the avant-garde, try “Harold and Maude” — fans of Wes Anderson will feel right at home with this classic.
You’re almost there. Before long you’ll be ready for a leap that will quite possibly alter your outlook on life, love, and relationships altogether. Watch “Pitch Perfect” to inoculate yourself to the musical genre and obligate yourself to an additional viewing of “Drive” to set your Gosling barometer to badass…and then, go see “La La Land.” If you’ve adequately prepared, you’ll enjoy the hell out of it. You’ll definitely laugh, you might cry; you might even tap dance out of the theater. Don’t worry if your date regards your zeal with a small amount of suspicion; if she’s got any depth or complexity to her own character, she’ll love you for it. Best of luck.
Thanks for sticking around! I enjoy writing about aging, parenting, relationships, and a whole host of fun things men face as they approach midlife. If you liked what you’ve read here, please click the heart to recommend, and feel free to follow me here at Medium and my blog, In Uncharted Waters.
