Cyborg Community Furious Over Lack Of Machine Friendly Bathrooms In Federal Buildings.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A recent posting on the CitizenCyborg.org website declared that the group has started a petition directed at Federal lawmakers over what they call, “a blatant disregard for machine enhanced or altered humans.” The group which was established in 2006 by self proclaimed cybervangelist Markus Mann, have approximately 2,500 signatures on the petition so far.
Part of the petition states, “We have seen many cyborg advances in the past decade, which include the arrival of Fitbit, Google Glass, the Oculus, and the Apple Watch. Denying the cyborg community our right to use public restrooms in a federal building without discrimination, is a step backward to a time when those enhancements did not exist.”
Regardless that an overwhelming 0.003% of the U.S. population used an Oculus Rift so far this year and another whopping 0.034% have used the Apple Watch since it’s debut, opponents of the petition say there is no room for rest in government buildings.
“I’ll be damned if I’m going to have to stand there taking a piss not knowing if some dude in a completely different restroom from me counted his steps to get there,” a commenter on the website wrote.
Many proponents of the petition feel that Federal buildings are the last safe haven for those ostracized by discrimination in the United States. Mr. Mann recently spoke to a group of about 1,500 demonstrators gathered virtually on Capitol Hill.
“It’s chaos out there for the us in the ‘borg community, we are discriminated against everywhere we turn. It’s only through the swift and effective process of law that we will see a fair treatment for those of us wishing to cyber openly in federal establishments.”
His wife Sandy Mann took the virtual podium as well.
“Cyberdentity isn’t just some wearable you can take off and put back on whenever you feel like it, I was born this way and I can’t just ‘shut it off’. Forcing us to use public restrooms with non-borgs is the truest form of identity theft.”
Social media users have been openly divided on the topic.
“It’s called a CHANGING station not a CHARGING station you freaks!” @mcbckstr
“These #cynners think they can just put some batteries in their pocket and no one will notice? You better hope there’s wifi in hell.” @homealways777
“Just saw a man go in to the men’s restroom at the Smithsonian with bluetooth headset STILL ON. #nocybarriers” @fitbitch69420
“Toilets and toilet paper, check. Soap, water and towels, check. USB ports in the stalls, nope. WHAAAAAAA???” @N05P00N
It is unclear what effect the petition may have with Washington lawmakers who are franticly researching what exactly a cyborg is, and if any of their children are becoming one.
