Dickensian Orphan Looking for Love

Hello, my name is Clop, and I’m your typical, quirky Dickensian orphan, looking for love in the big city.

Like many, I haven’t phenomenal success with online dating. Some of this is not my fault. OKCupid made me select a body type, but didn’t have an option for “frail.” On Tinder, people complained that all of my “pictures” were haphazardly shaded ink drawings. I’m still on the waitlist for The League, but I’m not optimistic, because my current LinkedIn job title is “Street Urchin.”

I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands by making this public personal ad. I’m a fun-loving, skittish scavenger looking to find The One before I die of black lung.

A little about me: I enjoy pickpocketing kindhearted elderly men and sweeping coal dust with a broom made of straw. I spend my days coughing up blood, and when I’m not doing that, you can usually find me foraging for suitable kindling or collecting rags. My friends would describe me as territorial, quiet, and sickly.

I’m looking for someone to huddle with over a newspaper fire on a cold winter’s eve. Ideally, I’d like to find someone girthy and capable of generating ample body heat. Bonus points if you have a wealthy benefactor who takes pity on you, or a collection of matches.

🎩🐭🥔🗑🛒🔥420