Enough With “Here’s What You Missed While You Were Distracted by [INSERT SCANDAL]” Bullshit
Here’s a phenomenon I hate. Some salacious, provocative scandal captures the attention of the American public; some, fascinating, nauseating, unprecedented piece of news drowns out everything else going on. (This happens every other day at this point.) And then, right at the moment the story starts to fade into the background, someone online posts a story with a headline like “While You Were Preoccupied With [BLANK SCANDAL], [RANDOM BILL] Was Signed Into Law.” I HATE this shit. It’s condescending, ineffective and pompous. Enough with this bullshit.
Here are the reasons why I hate this practice.
First. IT’S A LOAD OF FUCKING HORSESHIT
There are myriad reasons to hate this nonsense based solely on just how goddamn douchey it is — and I’ll get to them! — but the main reason I hate the practice is because the basic premise is simply untrue. Most intelligent adults are fully capable of focusing on more than one story at a time. Just because I am helpless to resist articles that include words like “Russia,” “treason” and “President of the United States,” doesn’t mean I don’t also pay attention to the less sexy, policy-based portents of doom raining down upon us. I’m a grown-ass adult; I have the ability to discriminate between real news and garbage, OR to enjoy both to my heart’s content. Most of us do.
Second. WHO DIED AND MADE YOU KING OF DECIDING WHAT STORY IS NOTABLE?
And even if I were distracted and missed something, I resent the notion that there is general consensus on which stories deserve our focus. Here’s the article that pushed me over the edge: “While we were distracted by Trump, Republicans advanced these 9 terrifying bills.” Jesus Christ. Every bill that this article details — ranging from bills that criminalize abortion to others that essentially end public education as we know it — is horrifying and heartbreaking, and thoughtful, plugged-in Americans ought to know about them. But why, oh why, present it under the banner of “While we were distracted by Trump…”? Distracted? UHHH…The Goddamn President of the United States is being implicated of colluding with THE FREAKING RUSSIANS, his advisers are being accused of treason, and you’re scolding people for being preoccupied with THAT? This story is not flippant, soft news; it’s an objectively more newsworthy story than any of those bills being proposed. It’s one thing to want to write articles that make sure we don’t let bills that will abolish the E.P.A. fly under the radar; it’s quite another to do so in a manner than feigns disbelief that the general public is more interested in a story of high treason between superpowers. Just tell us.
And even if what is distracting us IS trivial nonsense? So be it. If I miss something important going on in Washington because the Oscars had the biggest fuck-up in history or the Super Bowl featured a historic comeback, OK. Please tell me about the news I missed. Seriously, I want and need to know. But don’t shame me for missing it! When did we forget that we’re a team? No one is a bad person because they took a night-long break from refreshing Politico to watch the fucking Grammy’s.
Because, fuck, this is exhausting. I’m seriously asking this question: Is it possible to still try to find joy and comfort in things like the Oscars, or sports, or travel and not be normalizing Trump at the same time? I don’t know the answer to this question, but God almighty do I hope the answer is yes. I have to fight the urge every day to relax and treat this administration like your garden-variety evil GOP reign. I know that, and I’m trying. Lots of us are. Don’t make it harder by rubbing it on our faces when we fall short.
Third. THIS IS WHY THEY HATE US
I’m in no mood to try and explain away any of the beliefs of Middle America, but when millions of people living inside the coasts have a perception that liberals are haughty, elitist ass holes, maybe there’s some value in exploring why they think that. Let’s just came out and say it: Progressives may be right and just, but a lot of us really are condescending douche bags. Why do we insist on talking down to people who are already our allies? Why do we feel the need to embarrass each other before we enlighten? Why does so many articles ostensibly aimed at educating us have such a strong subtext of you really should have already known this?
Many people, myself certainly included, were slow to awake to the realities of our country. That’s on us. We hid in our safety bubbles and whiled away the time with reality TV, professional sports, video games, vacations — whatever. This was a terrible mistake. I am not arguing to let people slide back in their cocoons of blissful ignorance while the less fortunate around us falter, and I know that my ability to take the position I take in this article is only possible because my unspeakable privilege has afforded me shelter from any real consequences of the current administration, but please. Please stop starting from a place of contempt. We’re all going to miss many salient stories over the coming months and years, and sometimes it will be because we were distracted by some bullshit that doesn’t matter. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t trying or don’t care. So please: Stop fucking treating us like it does.
