Eye-rolling fatalities reach record high in 2017

The number of fatalities relating to eye-rolling more than doubled in 2017, according to the Center for Disease Control.

The C.D.C. estimates that 20 per 100,000 people rolled their eyes so frequently and so intensely that it killed them this year, up from roughly 9 per 100,000 in 2016.

“The number has been rising annually, but we did not expect a spike of this magnitude,” World Health Organization Chair Dr. Orin Parikh said of the epidemic.

Parikh contributes the jump in total deaths to an increased amount of complete and utter absurdity, causing many people to be in an almost constant state of eye-rolling.

“Humans were not designed to roll their eyes as much as they have been,” said Parikh. “It is overwhelming our systems.”

Parikh said that he attempted to launch an “eye-rolling awareness” campaign, but half of his audience died of the condition at the beginning of his PowerPoint presentation, which had been titled “Eye Spy Hope.”

Dr. Raoul Park, an eye-rolling prevention specialist, said that many victims of fatal eye-rolling had regularly read the comment section of Fox News Facebook posts.

When asked about a possible cure, Park seemed doubtful.

“We are all going to die,” he said.