Halloween Hostessing Hacks

Ten of our best tips for your next Halloween party

Hey ladies: throwing a party this Halloween? Hostessing can be fun, but it can also be stressful if you don’t know where to begin.

Thankfully, we’ve consulted our resident party expert and gotten her favorite tips, tricks, and hacks to help you keep your head on and throw a hit party. Your friends will be howling about it for years to come.

Keep it neat

Tidying up is the first step to happy Halloween hostessing. Here are some quick tips to make your space feel like the dark sanctuary it really is.

• Common spaces: Clean up your cast-off skins, and be sure to check all corners of your apartment: under the sofa, around the edges of your rugs, and other tight nooks and crannies where castings tend to congregate. Remember: don’t throw them in the garbage. They’re compostable!
• Bathrooms: Scrub your feeding blood off the shower tiles, floor, counter, walls, and ceiling. Magic Erasers are great for this. They’ll make everything look like new, even the grout. And be sure to keep any skeletal remains — especially skulls. They’ll come in handy later.
• Kitchen: It’s important to have some open space for food, and it’s aesthetically pleasing when there are clean countertops. Clear all of your extra potions, tinctures, brews, and cauldrons off of the counter and put them away or donate them.

Witch, you do not need three cauldrons. (Source)

• Overall decluttering: Pre-party cleaning is the perfect time to ask yourself, “Do I actually need five jars of Wolfsbane?” If it isn’t making you happy or your enemies unhappy, donate it or throw it away.

Decorate tastefully

Once your house is clean, it’s time to decorate. The key to a great Halloween party is the right mixture of upscale decorations and ones that perfectly set the spooky mood.

• Light candles everywhere: Look for lovely seasonal scents like Pumpkin Spice Latte, Frosted Cranberry, Leaves, and Blood of My Enemies. Guests will especially love candles in bathrooms and on the dining table because it’s classy AF.

Don’t you love the scent of blood candles in the morning?

• Creative centerpieces: Find your table runner and roll it out. If you don’t have one, don’t fret: the braided hair or stitched-together pelts of your victims will do just as nicely. Now, remember those leftover bones from earlier? Scatter humeruses, femurs, and tibias in a calculated-but-random pattern along the runner. Not only are these a perfect centerpiece, but they’re great trivets for your hot dishes.
• Spooky surprises: The best part of Halloween is infusing holiday spirit into every part of the house. Channel your dark energy into the coat closet and open a howling interdimensional rift. Your jacket-owning guests will be in for a demonic treat!

Create thoughtful favors

The final step is to consider what everyone is taking home with them. The amount of care you put into this directly reflects your worth as a woman, you monster.

• Succulent planter: Take any skulls that you saved. Now, using your index claw or favorite bone saw, cut off the crown of the skull, about 2–3" from the top of the head. Gently sand the edge until it’s smooth. Line the inside of the skull with scraps of burlap or human leather. Let it drape 1" over the top edge of the skull. Fill it three-quarters of the way with grave dirt, and gently plant between one and three succulents in the skull, depending on their size. Sprinkle with unholy water, and voila! The perfect gift!

Skulls make a thoughtful planter gift and are a great calcium source in a pinch (Source)

• Vial of blood: You know what they say: food gifts are a great way to ensure your present gets used. So, why not ensure your guests have a midnight snack for the road? Go down to the cellar, break out the good stuff, and stick it on ice. Your guests can grab a cold one on their way out the door.

Blood vials are the perfect midnight snack for hungry guests on their way home (Source)

• Pickled eyes: Speaking of food-related gifts, if you have extra Mason jars and time for a quick pickle, eyes are a delicacy and a lovely take-home treat. You’ll find eyeballs in the freezer section of your local bodega. Just thaw, follow the recipe, and divvy up into jars for a decadent party favor.

Feeling culinary? Pickled eyeballs are an attractive and delicious holiday treat.

There you have it, hellish hostesses: our tips and tricks to a happy and haunted Halloween holiday. Now go forth and conquer like the domestic demons you are!

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Kimberly is a writer and photographer. When she isn’t thinking about Halloween from the perspective of monsters, you’ll probably find her traveling or eating.

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