My Fabulous Life With Anxiety
It’s such fun, you should try it too!
Anxiety became my faithful companion after I lost my job and had to take my former employer to court due to a brutal and unlawful termination of my contract. That led to a nervous breakdown and brought me on the verge of bankruptcy. I eventually won at court, but am still not out of the woods and since that’s how it is, anxiety stayed with me for the ride.
That turned out to be a whole lot of fun!
One day, for instance, I was walking down the street minding my own business when I felt as if stabbed by a knife straight through my heart. The sharp pain immobilized me and I froze for a few of moments just standing there in the middle of the street. I took a couple of deep breaths and slowly proceeded to walk. Then, it happened again.
Convinced I was having a heart attack, I rushed to the doctor. After an ECG test, he informed me there was nothing wrong with me, at least not physically; he said it in a way that made me feel like an idiot. I then asked could it have been a panic attack and he snapped at me that he is not a psychiatrist and will not give an opinion on my mental health.
So that was fun.
The best thing about it was that in addition to the relief of not having a heart attack, I soon found another doctor. She never snaps at me and is capable of empathy. See how quickly I focused on something good in a bad situation? Such tricks make life a lot easier.
And then there is this funny feeling of suffocation and a heavy weight I sometimes carry around in my chest. I know for sure this means something absolutely dreadful is going to happen to me. I just know that impending doom is waiting around the corner to swallow me up and eat me alive.
I then remind myself to breathe slowly and calm down. That takes time, but it usually helps. This is just one example of how absolutely fabulous anxiety can be. Focusing on breathing and relaxation is good for your health and we should all be reminded to do it more often. I love it!
There, of course, are also the infinite joys of insomnia and a vibrant nightlife resulting from it. When I cannot sleep, I calmly get up and browse the web or pick up the tablet and look for an inspiring book. It’s amazing how much one can get done during such nights, and I’m eventually also able to fall asleep due to exhaustion at around 4 a.m. So that’s great too.
The best and most amusing part of it all is when I have a breakdown and do things such as spilling my heart out to a friend over email. I then get a frantic response that she is worried about me to which I reply with ‘I’m fine, no need to worry.’ Naturally, I don’t wish to upset her even more while everything inside me silently screams ‘I’M NOT FINE, I’M SO NOT FINE!’
I’m not sure what’s good about that though… Well, there is something when I think of it — I haven’t had one moment of boredom with my companion anxiety by my side. So if you tend to get bored easily, you should try it. Life with anxiety can be many things, but it’s certainly not boring.
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Mateja started to write short stories at the age of ten and later became a freelance writer, radio personality, and counselor. Her life resembles a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs and some pretty wild turns. Among other things, her car was destroyed by tanks and she survived several brushes with death. She graduated in psychology from Arizona State University and is now a founder and editor at Transform the Pain and Personal Brain Whisperer, but her secret love is writing weird stories for The Rabbit Is In. Connect with Mateja on LinkedIn.
