ABC Interview Leaves Press Speculating On Lincoln’s Ties To Russia
Trump asserts he’ll be a better president than all 44 predecessors, save Lincoln.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an interview with ABC’s David Muir*, President Donald Trump pledged to do well not only by the American people, but by the Russians who put him in power.
“I want to make this a great success for the American people, and for the people who put me in this position,”* said Mr. Trump has he walked the empty hallways of the White House, going on to insist that he wasn’t lonely despite that not one member of his family lives with him.
Mr. Trump continued, saying he could, if he wanted to, be more presidential than Washington, Jefferson, Reagan, or either Roosevelt, saying “I can be the most presidential person ever, other than, possibly, the great Abe Lincoln.” This has left the press corps spinning, raising new questions about Lincoln’s involvement with the intelligence apparatus of Czar Alexander II.
“You have to understand, what I’m doing is going to be good for the United States.” he continued.
Mr. Trump sat forward in his chair, hands clutched together in front of him as he braced for the unrelenting barrage of polite, reasonable questions from the ABC News reporter.
Asked if undocumented immigrants will be allowed to remain in the US, Mr. Trump’s programming loop kicked in, forcing his circular speak: “They shouldn’t be very worried. They are here illegally. They shouldn’t be very worried. I have a big heart.”
As he sat, gasping for air while his tiny heart fought against the yuge cholesterol dykes Mr. Trump has built in his circulatory system from decades of not eating any vegetables, Mr. Muir asked about Mr. Trump’s lies that there are millions upon millions of voters who cast votes illegally.
“You have people who are registered, who are dead… who are illegals who are in two states…” Mr. Trump responded.
When asked about his relationship with Russia, Mr. Trump’s lips moved and what sounded like “Gottle of gear” came out.
