Inspiring!! This Woman Tweeted That She #DeletedUber and the War in Syria Ended

Wow!! Never doubt that one seemingly meaningless action you take and then boast about on social media can change the world.

“It was just so easy to do!” 25-year-old Sarah Mathis says of her Tweet, which single-handedly bankrupted Uber, a company operating in 83 countries whose biggest market had been located in China. Bankruptcy filings revealed that the company had been operating at a loss because it was donating all of its profits to prop up the regime of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. Special Uber advisors had also been sent to the war-ravaged country to advise the besieged president on how to commit war crimes against his own people. “It took honestly almost no effort for me to change the world,” Mathis notes.

“This is what democracy looks like,” she continues. “In a capitalist society, if you want to protect people’s rights, you need to start with large corporations, which got to be so large by putting profits above all else. Now that they’ve gotten to the top by exploiting workers and avoiding taxes, we need to remind them that it’s their job to act like altruistic individuals and enact policy change.”

Mathis agrees that policy should be the purview of the government, but says that Trump’s election win shows that government is broken. If Americans want change, she argues, they need to start with corporations. “We’ve proven, time and again, that this can work. Just look at Chick-fil-A, whose COO came out against marriage in 2012. Those comments directly lead to the company going 100 percent bankrupt.”

“I haven’t felt this great since Save Darfur,” she gushes while eating a cereal-themed desert outside of Momofuku Milk Bar. “Now we’re going to boycott Pandora until they end genital mutilation in Africa.”