Just another Tinder whore?
Thank you Shani Silver! I read your story a few days ago. Here is the link, my Medium peoples.
Well, I needed a day or two to think about this. I have a story too. I just hesitated in writing it down.
Once upon a time, in August, I met a man on Tinder. Let’s call him Bob. Bob and I chatted for a few weeks before we decided to meet. Mostly we talked about hockey. In fact, our first meeting was to watch a hockey game together. It wasn’t romantic, but I like talking hockey, so I had a blast.
Not long after that, I met up again with a friend of a friend. We started a very hot, non defined thing. Then he pulled back, sharply. It continued in this way…on, off, on, off. On one of the offs, I contacted Bob again. I enjoyed talking to him and thought that it would be fun to hang out again.
We went to trivia a few times and he never made a move. Which I was perfectly fine with. I decided that maybe he felt like me and just wanted to be friends, so I texted him asking that. He agreed. We should be friends. And we were. We texted random stuff to each other. We hung out. He showed me the pictures he took. I told him about my writing.
But the last time we hung out, something happened. He pulled me towards him on the bench. Our legs were touching. Then he was rubbing my leg. Like they say in every Star Wars episode….I have a bad feeling about this. He walked me to my car. He had kissed me on the cheek before, so when he did it this time, I didn’t worry. But he went for the lips. And the kissing was nice. In fact, I was a fan. Until he said, “Let’s go to your house.” Wait! What? How did we go from friends hanging out for several months to I’m now having sex with you because I want to?
I was kind of put off by the request. Mostly in the way that it was presented. Like it was expected. When I said no, he asked again. Ok, still not sure what you are up to, so I’m still saying no. You can’t go from never flirting with me, and change that up to being in my bed. I can’t make that kind of quick transition. To many unknowns. So we said good night and drove our seperate ways.
I haven’t seen him again. Oh, I tried to text him after that. Some days he just ignored me. Others he was his chatty self. But if I suggested getting together, he was always too busy. His schedule didn’t allow it. All of a sudden? Now perhaps he was embarrassed to see me again. But I don’t think so. I think he expected sex and was mad when he didn’t get it.
The whole thing has been pretty upsetting to me. This was not an internet stranger. This was someone that I had seen multiple times. Had actually taken the time to get to know. A person that I wanted as my friend. And now just gone.
I have had other interactions where men have made it very clear that they were just chatting me for the possible sex. And I did try dating someone from there recently. Due to his kid schedule, he could only get away for a few hours every other week. It started out flirty and pretty hot. It deteriorated quickly when sex was expected whenever he could hang out. I haven’t seen you in forever and all of our conversations have been about life in general. I’m supposed to be turned on just because you show up? I am just not skilled enough to fake it through that. So sorry, but I’m not your sexual pit stop in the race of life.
So I ask you…..does having a profile on Tinder send men the signal that you are somehow obligated to have sex with them? Was I the one in the wrong to think that I could say no? Was I breaking some unspoken rule made up by the menfolk?
I’ve closed my account. I inactivated my profile and took Tinder off my phone. Yes, I’ve gone rogue. I have no dating apps to rely on to meet guys. I guess I’ll just have to bump into someone in the produce section of Trader Joe’s. Like how did we ever meet people before we had dating apps? We lived our lives and paths crossed. Call me old fashioned, but I think it sounds better than what we have now. Maybe if all of us women stopped being Tinder whores, the guys would stop treating us like delivery pizza.
