Lesbians Moving Back To Lesbos Under Trump

As Donald Trump was sworn into office Friday, Rebecca Hinton looked at her wife Mona and knew they were both thinking the same thing: “We’re moving back to Lesbos.”

The couple, who moved to the U.S. a decade ago from the Sapphic island nation in the Aegean Sea, said they cannot fathom living under Trump.

“Like most lesbians, we came here thinking we could change this country with our sensible administrative skills, but we have failed,” said Rebecca. “We’re packing up our lutes. It’s time to go home.”

The Island of Lesbos says it has fielded thousands of requests for repatriation since Trump’s election.

“Our website hath crashed,” said Chief Lesbian Hera Kythereia. “But we welcome home our sisters. O flee Cincinnati and return to the graceful groves. Dance on slender ankles through airport security and follow the bright moon, as a bee to a hyacinth, to your stop-over at Heathrow. Purple-robed virgins await you. And garlands, your weary breasts.”

But for couples like Rebecca and Mona, the decision to leave America is fraught with uncertainty.

“Lesbos is not as cheap as it used to be,” they sighed.