My first weekend drinking in over 8 months: what I learned

I learned that I have a lot stronger mindset about alcohol than I used to. I was reminded how much of a lightweight I am and how my tolerance is currently around -4. I learned that I don’t have to depend on alcohol to show me a good time, but I can have a couple beers with the guys when the opportunity is there. I learned that it’s a good idea to only drink on the weekends and to set a limit up for myself before I begin.

I learned that I don’t have to rely on alcohol to provide me with an escape because I’ve always been strong enough to face the world on my own. Before I purposely abused alcohol I was a weekend warrior. I always drank with friends and family, rarely on my own. Sometimes I drank too much, but I always followed the rule my father passed along to me: “Chug a couple bottles of water before bed, you’re very unlikely to get a hangover if you do that.” So this weekend that’s what I did, and after I woke up the next day I felt fine, even better after coffee.

As I stated in my last post I created a destructive relationship with alcohol to hide from myself what I really needed to fix. Because working on yourself is a tough chore, those stains run deep. Sometimes they can’t be washed away, but they can be accepted. I’m not a perfect man and I never will be. Part of me was a tad scared to drink again, but I’m not anymore. I had 3 beers last night while watching It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, I drank some water, then I went to bed like an adult. I didn’t feel the need to drown myself in it. Because I don’t deserve to treat myself that way and never did. So now I drink sometimes and that’s okay. I don’t have a problem anymore because I choose not to. I’m better than that and always will be.

So in an ironic way drinking again is a further acceptance of myself. Before I made it a personal weapon that I used only for abuse. So if you see me around town somewhere with a drink in hand raise your glass to me, tip your cap, nod in approval. You’ve just witnessed a person who accepts themselves and is going to use that for the rest of their life. I’d say that deserves some recognition.