I Got A Pet Raven
11/6/16:
Hello loyal readers! I regret to inform you all that recently my pet fish died. As some of you may know he died in his sleep, on the floor, after a week long nap on said floor. I was sad to see him go, but pleased that he died so peacefully in a way we could all wish for. Consequently I am currently looking for a new challenge in the world of pets. Preferably something that doesn’t have the same unwavering love that a pet fish does. I am currently leaning towards a pet Raven! I have heard that they are smart and challenging, which is exactly what I am looking for in a new companion. If you or anyone you know is a Raven Breeder or has a pet store that stocks Ravens, please comment or email me. (Preferably free range Raven, but any will do)
11/24/16:
I would like to thank user Bigtittedmike for his breeder suggestion. I am now the proud owner of a Green Speckled Raven. Originally I had no idea that they came in this color, but am much happier with it. It’s like those funky psychedelic iPhone colors that all the kids love. I wonder if they have Rose Gold Ravens. I have named my Raven ‘Campbells’ for his love of tomato soup and Andy Warhol. Not in that order. My next blog update will be written after I attend the annual North American Raven Trade Show. This is it’s 50th anniversary, and my first time!
12/6/16:
I am writing this update from my bed as I am crying. As most of you already know I recently attended the annual North American Raven Trade Show with my Raven Campbell, who loves tomato soup and Andy Warhol, not in that order. Upon my entrance to the convention center, 1000 raven eyes and 1000 humanoid eyes turned and glared at me. The Raven breeders all took turns telling me that Campbell was in fact not a Raven, but a Parakeet. Several times I was yelled at to “Get that Jimmy Buffett bird out of here”. Upon hearing this Campbell, who loves tomato soup and Andy Warhol, not in that order, took off, flapping his wings away and away from the haters. Just as he was about to fly out of my life forever, a so called actual Raven swooped out of nowhere and pierced his neck. A brief deflating sound filled the entire arena, as Campbell, who loved tomato soup and Andy Warhol, not in that order, dropped to the ground like a rock.
1/8/17:
A special thank you to user Bigtittedmike again who righted his previous wrong, by getting me in touch with a new reputable raven breeder. I was a little skeptical considering his last breeder suggestion, but when I saw the look on those featherless Raven’s faces I was in love. My new Raven is a rare featherless raven who loves his small animal wheel! Unfortunately he does not fly due to his lack of feathers, but wait till those Raven breeders see this little guy next year. Boom! they’ll go crazy. These Raven’s haven’t been seen in the wild for years. This Raven will be called… Pikachu, because like he kinda looks like Pikachu, that Raven Pokemon.
2/2/17:
Things are going great with Pikachu the Raven! Everyday we go on walks together. He is very good with his leash and never pulls too hard. If you let the Raven become the Alpha, you’re in for a messy situation. We also cuddle by the fire, gossip, and watch Portlandia(such a hipster, this raven). I really notice the difference now between a real raven and a fake raven. Pikachu is much more gentle, like a real raven should be, whereas Campbell was always very cranky, like those dirty parakeets are. I don’t know why more people don’t get ravens, they really are not that hard to keep as pets! Edgar Allen Poe sure know what he was talking about.
If you enjoyed this don’t be scared to like, comment, and or follow. It validates my emotional needs and thats it.
