N. Carolina Bathroom Laws So Confusing, Most Say They’ll Just Pee In Street

Angry and frustrated at GOP, North Carolinians are protesting Republican potty politics by piddling in the gutter

NC officials recommend putting one hand on the wall in front of you when urinating in public. These men are doing it correctly. (Photo Credit: Shutterstock)

People in North Carolina are angry at their Republican-controlled legislature and they’re not going to hold it in anymore.

Even after the new Democratic governor, Roy Cooper, reached an agreement last week with state Republicans to repeal and replace House Bill 2 — a controversial law that discriminates against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender citizens in their public bathroom use — most North Carolinians still had no idea where they could relieve themselves legally.

This bank vice-president from Charlotte was told she could only enter a public ladies room with proof of gender, so she relieved herself in a nearby alley instead.

“I’m not totally sure, but I think gay men can use the women’s public bathrooms on odd days, but transgenders can only pee standing up on even days,” said Todd Blatter, a shop owner in Gastonia.

A woman from Chapel Hill, Doris Kohler, had a different take on the new regulations. “According to what I read, all public bathrooms are coed except on Sundays, when in deference to the church, you have to poop and pee in a prayer position.”

The confusion around bathroom laws in the state has become so pervasive, most people have thrown up their hands while dropping their pants and say that the safest bet is to just tinkle outdoors.

A tastefully cropped photo of a large group of marchers in Durham, NC peeing on the pavement together in protest.

“I don’t have time to whip out my Johnson to prove to some Republican nitwits that I ain’t no bisensual or transfatty person,” said Carl Piddle, a long-haul trucker from Fayetteville, who was pissing on some scrub grass at a highway rest stop. “Those peeping Tom pervert Republicans ought to spend some time fixing our roads instead of getting all up in everybody’s underwear.”

House Bill 2 was signed in March 2016 by Pat McCrory, the state’s Republican governor at the time, but it lead to extensive boycotts by sports leagues and major corporations and has seriously damaged the economy and reputation of the Tar Heel State.

In a tribute to President Donald Trump, this orange urinal was strapped to a tree in Asheville as a reminder that all Republican politics is potty politics.

“We can’t allow North Carolina to be the butt of a national joke any longer,” said Governor Cooper. “I’m calling on Republican leaders to end this sick obsession they have with our citizens’ bathroom routines and just let them pee in peace in public bathrooms as they have in the past.”

The governor also says he’ll create an emergency Piddle Patrol & Piss Posse, which will work to stem the tide of unsanitary urine coursing through streets of North Carolina statewide.

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Just in case you didn’t get the point that people are peeing in the streets to protest the discriminatory Republican-sponsored bathroom laws in North Carolina.