On Selfies and Self

I’m not sure I understand selfies. They can seem a little self-indulgent, and besides, everyone looks so DAMN HOT in them that I can’t really match up to that.

Mostly I’m terrified about putting a big ol’ picture of my face on the internet for people to judge. What if they decide my face is a Bad Face? What if they say nasty things about the size of my nose or my uneven skin tone?

It was maybe midway through worrying about all these things that I realised that the worst thing that could happen is that I could think these things about myself. I don’t have to wait for strangers on the internet to say awful things about me if they’re already in my head.

This is the problem I’ve had with my job, too — I’m a video presenter on YouTube, which comes with the occupational hazard of being told you’re fat and ugly on a daily basis. But YouTube commenters are nowhere near as critical as I am about myself. They’re pretty unoriginal and uncreative, actually. You’re more likely to be criticised for your weight than you are for something specific that you’re worried about.

I don’t like my upper arms; I don’t like my neck; I don’t like my hair. But these things NEVER get picked up on, because everyone is boring with their terrible insults. So I say these things to myself, I internalise it all, and that’s just as damaging as the real comments. If you psych yourself up to receive comments about one particular thing, the best outcome of that is that someone actually says it and your brain goes “aha! I knew it.”

SO. What’s the point of all this, and what does it have to do with selfies?

I realised relatively recently that the point of taking selfies isn’t to show off how beautiful you are — it’s to stake a claim on your own confidence. It’s to show everyone that you aren’t afraid of what they might think. It’s a moment of being glad that you exist, and wanting to encourage others to do the same. It’s an incredible display of bravery in a world that wants you to feel small and ugly and worthless.

So I’ve started taking selfies. Forcing myself to turn that camera around, when usually I would be taking a photo of a building or a river or something cool I saw on a walk around London. Landscape shots are lovely, but they aren’t all that interesting unless you’re a professional photographer with serious Photoshop skillz. Selfies are personal and human, and they tell some kind of story. I Was Here. I matter.

Selfies may seem self-indulgent and self-obsessed, and you might still hate them. But maybe we should take the time to see the person that’s there, baring their soul to you through this small defiant action. Tell them they look nice. Tell them you like their outfit. Help make someone else feel like they have value. It’s what we’re all trying to do in so many different ways.